ReEvaluation

Wow, I’m a little surprised at this entry and your decision to go private because of unrequited notes. You seem so matter-of-fact in you writing, not a lot of talk about feelings, and I sometimes find it difficult to btw about things because it’s just, ‘well that’s the way it is’ and it doesn’t really matter what I have to say. But I LOVE your notes and have always enjoyed reading your entries. It’s a shame you won’t be writing for others to read, selfishly, but it is a different feeling and goal when it’s for your eyes only. I write in a journal, handwritten, sometimes when I have things to process away from OD.

Grrr autocorrect makes me sound like the bigges idiot on notes. I think you know what I’m trying to say. Also, I didn’t mean that you are being selfish for going private, I meant that I’m being selfish in wishing you wouldn’t.

I agree with the above noter, a lot of your entries are very matter-of-factly written and it’s not often that you have strong emotions show through. The times you do I’m on my phone and I hate noting from my phone but then I never seem to find time to go back to your entries when I’m on an actual computer. I suck at noting, but I do find your entries insightful and interesting….

..I just also have a hard time responding to them. If that makes any sense (it doesn’t). I love reading your entries though, the way you look at the world. How you seem so sure of yourself, but yet you constantly compare yourself to everyone else. I’m bad at wording things, really bad at expressing myself, so none of this is coming out right. I just hope you do continue to write.

i think sometimes we all need to pull back and re-evaluate how we are writing. sometimes i catch myself writing for the “OD audience” instead of for myself. you have such a different outlook on life than I do, which makes you both challenging to relate to, but also fascinating to converse with.

RYN: No, not the UofA Wildcats, unfortunately. It’s a youth football league, my daughter cheers for and last year 1 of my sons played flag. I want both of my sons to play, but they are resisting. 🙁 My boys have football player in their blood…LOL especially the 8 year old… I smell linebacker there. 🙂

awwww Im bummed. I liked reading about your adventures! Since I live in the desrt, I dont get to experience the same type of out doorsy stuff… I do get the outdoorsy stuff, its just very different. I like knowing there is still so much of the world yet to see! 🙂 But I understand, you got to do what feels best for you at the moment!

RYN: I would love an astrological reading! I dont think our signes align…hahaha I think he’s a Taurus, b-day is May 18th, mine is Sept 20, making me a Virgo. 🙂

RYN: I think you hit the nail right on the head with EVERYTHING you said. Philosophic stuff fascinates me and yet it is something that can be twisted a million ways that make sense. I pretty much agree with your “lust” vs. “love” take on things…and yes, I’m recently single after a “bad” break-up – but isn’t that redundant? And yes – it is lonely, but not nearly as lonely as being in a one-sided

relationship. You’re right – dating IS oppressing. Seems guys don’t want to pursue a commitment – they just want sex. So I’ve given up on dating. If someone great just happens to come along, awesome. But I’m not seeking it anymore. All this reading and reflecting – setting goals, etc – it’s helping me grow. I didn’t really do that before, at least not like this. But I’m confused – only because

I may interpret this differently than what you meant, so I figured I’d ask for clarification – what do you mean “don’t loose myself in that process”? I hope you’ll expand on that. 🙂

As for your entry above – it is a let down when you relate to something someone said and you show it by noting – but receive no response or effort on their part of relating to you. I’m guilty of both sides. Being an Aquarius, that might explain it. If it doesn’t, I’ll clarify that sometimes I need to connect with people – be it noting or responding – and sometimes I just need to get stuff out in

my own diary and then stay logged off OD for awhile so my thoughts feel released. When I log back on, I may take awhile noting back if anyone commented. And sometimes I need to log right back in to get something else out – and I forget who I noted last and who I have yet to reply to. I’ll read my bookmarks and comment on their entries, but I forget to respond to something in their notes. It’s not

intentional, it’s not malicious…it’s just inner chaos plus the ever changing mood from moment to moment. As long as someone makes an effort – that’s what matters to me. But it is truly special when a connection is made with someone on here where the communication flows and is reciprocated.

RYN: I dont know about baseball, but THAT confuses me…hahaha I have always been afraid to be on the field and trying to figure out who to send the ball to… but you are right about soccer, its all about fluidity and movement and space. Some of the teams with older players fair better b/c they understand the game, even tho their bodies may not be as fast as younger teams. 🙂

sad lil’ frown* I know it’s your diary and your right to do whatever you want with it, but I will miss your entries and I hope that you reconsider at some point. Re-evaluating is a good thing though. We all need to do that from time to time. RYN: Unfortunately, as a grad student they kind of make you start to specialize, which I hate. I would rather be a jack of all trades than focus on just one era of history. Thanks to my undergrad courses, I have a very strong background in antiquities (ancient Greece, the Roman empire, Egypt, Israel, Mesopotamia, and China). I also have a decent background in world history and Renaissance Europe. As a grad student though I am classified as an Americanist. And American history is what I’ve been teaching for the past two years. My graduate studies focuses on the Gilded Age (roughly 1880s-1920s) for a time frame. I’m doing my master’s thesis on the Eugenics movement in America or selective breeding. Over 30 states had eugenics laws on the books. Thousands of “undesirables” were forcibly sterilized, including one of my great aunts. It’s a chapter of our history that isn’t usually talked about.