DAMNIT (continued)

What do you think would happen, if I just broke down and started crying right now?  Do you think that anyone would notice me?  Would they all look at me like I lost my mind?  Or would they jump up and say "What the Fuck?"  I really really want to cry.  I am not going to however.  To cry is for the weak, for the ones who cannot cope.  I can cope, even if I die trying. 

Sometimes, I hate my life.  Sometimes I wish that I was someone else.  I know that if I was someone else I would still have my problems, maybe they would be worse, but maybe, just maybe, they would be a little better and not so hard to deal with.  Maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with my mother dieing, maybe I would have to deal with a dead animal or something. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that I am talking nonscence, but right now it is really comforting.  I wish that I could be alone for a while.  Maybe then I would be able to cry, but I don’t think that that is going to happen.  Alone in the Dark.  Sounds like so much fun.  That way I could do things that I haven’t done for a while. 

I almost started cutting again… I am in the middle of school and I almost started cutting.  I wanted to get out my knife and just rip into my vains and watch the blood as it ran down my arm… my hand.  Instead of doing that I used my fingernail, and started digging holes in the middle of my hand.

Death sounds like so much fun right now.  I know that I said that I would stop writing about my depressing things, but I cant seem to stop…. And I would rather be writing about it than talking aobut it and trying to carve it out on my skin.  It is so tempting though… my knife is sitting there right by my hand in my purse… so tempting. 

Cutting

The blade cuts deeper
Surrounded by my Crimson dkin
The pain is gone
Have I reached the end?

Deeper, Deeper the little razor cuts
Severing tendons and veins
Its cutting my life away
But I swaear I’m perfectly sane.

Colors are graying
The black is coming up
Sounds are fading
I guess my time is up.

The blade cuts deeper
Surrounded by my Crimson skin
The pain is gone
I’ve reached the end.

There is some more of my poetry… I really hate it… I think that it sucks…

~Goodbye all of my people.
         ~Yours in Eternal Darkness
                            ~Alicesandressa