October 21, 2005

Depression is so much fun!!

Sucicide >.< I can’t spell… Anyway, sometimes I wonder if I should take my life and just leave everyone else in peace. Sometimes I feel that I am the thing that is holding everyone back, because I am to slow and stupid. At other times I feel that I lead other people in the wrong direction, and that if they never knew me then they would be able to go about their life in peace, and they would never have the kind of worries that they do because they know me.

I have a teacher, that is so close to me that I call her Mom. Wierd I know but true. Almost every week she askes me the same question, "What would I do without you?" And I always answer the same thing everytime. "The same thing you did before I met you. You would go on about your life and never remember that one girl you saved from trying to take her life again. You would go on in a state of happiness, that you had before I met you and you would never have to worry about me again."

Actually I only say the first sentance but I think the rest as she begins to deny what I say. she says that she would never be the same without me and that I am one of the joys in her life. I cant help but wonder how long it will take for her to forget me after I am gone, when I leave this summer for places unknown to her. I have this feeling that she only thinks of me when I am staring her in the face, because that is the only time most people think of me. Otherwise they are like, "Dude, who was the one chick?" "What chick?" "I dont know, that one." "I dont know." Then when they see me again they are like, "Oh, that chick? That is… Um… Oh yeah, that is Alicesandressa."

Yeah, I like depression….. It makes me think about how worthless my life is and how I should end everyone’s pain of having me around. But I most likely will never do it., as I am too lazy to try to plan it out. Or for that matter do it. I am not scared of death. Actually, it facantes me. I want to die in so many different ways and come back to life just so I can see what it is like…. a bit morbid….

Right now I am babysitting for a friend and the child is about a year and a half or somewhere close to. He is sleeping… Most kids are cute when they sleep, but some are really ugly. Tangent… But anywho, I think that I am going to go now seeing as I have reambled for about ten minutes…. I type kinda fast…. never mind I dont type that fast.

Anyway, bye.

~Alicesandressa

DarkGodPrincess2

October 22, 2005

wow. thanks for the long note there. I’ve seen you leave a note here and there for me and I always think “do I know this person” and I look at your journal and realize that I must not…I am surprised considering that normally I would add anyone who left me a note…think it was something to do with how all the entries I saw are like a story or something. But I thank you for your notes.

I’m guessing you enjoy reading my journal or do you have that problem where you hit random entry and it brings you to the same person more then once? LOL i have it all the time. But keep reading. Sorry I’ve never said anything before now. to your entry: you wouldn’t be surprised how many people need you in their life, rather they show it or not. I know how you feel though.

I mean the entry you noted on tells you pretty much the worse of everything I’ve been through in life. so you can probably image how dark my life at least was. It’s funny actually because I think alot of times when I dress Goth it’s because I can feel that darkness inside me so I dress to match. LOL. But you do mean something to someone or you one day will. don’t end your life. It’s not worth it.

I know it’s hard to believe but once I made myself move past what I went through and actually dealt with it I found happiness. I am truly a diffferent person now. And it is sad that you…and me were forced to grow up at since young ages, it sucks, I read a journal on here and to be honest I’m jealous because it’s a 16 year old girl talking about the fun sounding things she’s done that day.

But you’re grown up now(or at least that’s what I heard in your note)and you can make a better life for you,with only the people you want in it and you can tell the rest to f**k off and die(that always made me happy),try and make life better for yourself.I know easier said then done but It always helps..or even just find something you love to do and do it hard core. LOL thanks again for the notes.

psycho_valentiner

RYN: He is special…sometimes i just need a slap of reality. Thanks. <3 I love reading your writing…I’m adding you to my faves <3 And I can totally relate to this entry…At my old school, I didn't have a name…people (even teachers) just called me the biatch. Yeah…sucks <3 But I dig you..so stay? ^_^

Night Wind

October 23, 2005

well for me i think depression is the worst freaking shitty shit in the freaking world!!!! i hate it!! there is no way u could fix depression!!!!!!!!!! urghhhh!!!!!!

October 26, 2005

lyk, my gosh how the f*&( do you think that depression is fun? i think your so sick and i been reading your entries and the thing front of your diary, saying your diary is a bit gothic and shit i think you’re lyk labeling yourself gothic. i mean, human is only a human why try so hard to be labeled? i dont understand that. maybe its only me but i think your just a hypocrite who wants to be a goth

OMG how the hell did that note got up here?!!!! that was for my so called shittty shit friend whos rly fcked up.. she has a diary too and i was talking to her on IM and i think i left the cursor on the leave note and then i blocked her(not noticing the cursor.. urghh) then i looked at the screen and i thought i wrote a note for you and clicked on the signed note!! its not for you!! nonono my god

cuz that bitch wants a world to kno that she is so called depressed and wrote all that shit blogs that god knos who the fck cares and i was like bitching at her.. its so weird cuz it sounds like im actually riting it to you!! but its not!! i made the horrible horrible mistake!! goood i hate myself!! stupidass cursor!!!!!!!!!!AHHH!!