Stay or Go?

 I spent the majority of my day off in my car studying or napping. Its not how I envisioned my Sunday. It started off well enough Michael and I were having breakfast and I happened to ask him about our credit card debt…

In 2008 Michael lost his job. I worked two jobs to support the both of us for years. Unbeknownst to me he put purchases and bills on the credit card which at the high point totaled for eighteen thousand dollars. Yup, you heard that correct. Eighteen grand. I got shafted with paying it off. I don’t know why I ask him because he continually lies about the balance. I asked him several weeks ago what the balance was and he texted me back that it was under thirty-three hundred. So I threw in a couple of extra hundred dollars figuring I’d drop the balance below three grand and have the entire balance paid off by New Year’s. 

Michael responded that the balance was just under four thousand. Just like so many times before he denied that he ever said that balance was thirty-three hundred. I lost it. I called him a thief and a liar. Instead of putting money away into savings or paying for home renovations, I’ve continued to throw tens of thousands of dollars at the credit cards while Michael continues to jack up the balance. He almost damaged our hardwood floors by throwing a desk chair. Last year he slammed the garage door which caused a ladder leaning on the adjacent wall to fall onto the hood of my car and damage it. Michael promised that he would pay to fix it  and never did. If he fucked up the floors I would’ve called the cops on him and have had him hauled away. He trashes things he didn’t pay for and then I get stuck with the bill.

II’m so fucking depressed and angry. That balance should’ve been paid off by now but he keeps putting purchases on it. He failed his CPA exam (again) and without it doesn’t stand to get a better job. I have less and less hope that he will ever get out of the dead end job he is in. 

If I divorce him I have to pay alimony because I make so much more than he does. I won’t be able to afford the house. I can’t adopt a child because most agencies won’t even speak to single parents. I feel like either way I’m stuck with a bad situation.