Winter Break

It’s only the second day into my winter break and already it’s terrible. Yesterday morning I was woken up by my cell phone ringing, which turned out to be my extremely nasty landlord. She rudely informed me that because I had parked in one of the dozen spots that was reserved for her and the maintenance crew, she would tow my car away and I would have to go and get it after break. She was so incredibly terrible to me; I mean, there are a dozen spots and it’s winter break; no one’s in the parking lot anyway…did she really need to tow my car? Also, I’ve had my car parked there all day on Sunday? Couldn’t she have called me then??? Then, adding insult to injury, she starts bitching about how ‘college students can’t read’ and that she htaes renting to college students. Funny, you have no problems taking our money…a substantial amount, I might add. And if you hate renting to college students so much, why you you always flyer on my campus, you old hag??!!

I actually came up with a good solution–instead of me taking a bus for another six hours back up to Binghamton to move my car a grand total of ten feet, why not just call a towing company to move my car the ten feet? Its costs $50 apparently, which sucks, but at least I didn’t have to go all the way back to Binghamton and then come all the way back. I cried the entire day. She was so incredibly mean…I mean, yes it was a mistake, but couldn’t you just fine me or something? Was it really necessary to be that rude to me, especially when you’re well aware that I’m six hours away? I’ve come to the conclusion that most people are mean and nasty at heart.

In other news…After the debace with my landlord, I admitted to my mother my desire to commit suicide. She thought I was being melodramatic and hasn’t talked to me about it since. I don’t think about it all the time, but the idea is frequently on my mind.

In my Animal Behavior class we learned that in many species of animals, the parents and sometimes even the siblings routinely kill off the weak. Parents won’t feed certain offspring as much if they know that those offspring have a certain weakness or aren’t as large as the rest. In other species, the sibling who is bigger and stronger will kill the sibling that is not as big or as strong. The parents do nothing to stop it, since technically, they save resources by not having to care for an offspring that may not have the capabilities to survive, or to survive as well as its sibling. I originally was appalled by this but now I’m beginning to think that maybe animals are smarter than humans. With all of our technology, our anti-depressants and anti-anxylitics, our entire psychology and psychiatric professions, our fertility drugs and techniques….maybe we’re keeping people alive and/or helping them reproduce when nature is subtlely trying to tell us that maybe they shouldn’t reproduce or shouldn’t be alive. I think sometimes that maybe I’m not supposed to be alive…maybe I was never meant to survive into adulthood. I obviously can’t handle things the way I’m supposed to, which I know isn’t healthy. Studies have shown that depressed people make those around them depressed as well. By being alive I’m only hurting my parents and siblings. Maybe the way I act and feel is nature’s way of telling me that I shouldn’t live. I think about this stuff all the time…And if I ever told this to my psychologist, She would surely place me in a mental facility. Another technological ‘adavncement’ for keeping the genetically inferior alive.

I’m in one of my dark moods again, obviously. Maybe I’ll feel better later.