no title just a rant
Im so upset that im living my life trapped at home. I literally do nothing all day at all. I fucking hate it. im so broke too. I need a few things to buy but don’t have the money for it at all. I did my nails today but my sister lent me the $$. I have a job but its not a consistent one. I work like twice a week for a couple hours but I haven’t been working at all this whole month. I need the money to pay off my sneakers. I also need so much makeup stuff. I also need clothes and pjs. im just so behind on so many purchases. I feel so broke its unreal. my dad does give me $$ but never ever enough. its always short. I need an actual job but I just don’t have one and my dad wouldn’t let me go out and actually get one. I only have this one cause its through family friend. I need to figure my shit out. I have so much stuff to figure out. I just don’t know what to do. im kinda depressed. I have no $$ and no friends. my parents have given me more freedom but I have no one to share it with. I cant wait for college. I was excited for summer but im not even going to have my own car then. im for sure going to get social media again once im in college. im only going to make an insta and its going to be so exclusive. it’ll be like my pics for the beginning of my life. I wouldn’t let people from my past to follow it except literally one guy. no one else though. im starting a new chapter once I graduate. I just want to fast forward the next few months of my life.
How old are you? Late teens early twenties? I know how you feel. So much energy you wish you could press fast forward and do it all in one day.
@anonie im in my late teens, I have so much energy that is just kept between the four walls in my room. I feel like NOW is my time to be young wild and free but instead im miserable.
@rose070 Where do you live? Can you walk outside? Maybe go biking or running? I feel a bit stupid when I go out running or biking with nowhere to go. But time passes and its good for your body. I feel that you brain is racing. You can try meditation for anxiety on youtube. Or you can just do this exercise. Lay down and focus on you breath. And say something like one two three four as you breathe in and out. Its not so easy to do trust me. Your brain will try to think of other things. But you have to to to your breath again and again. That will help you relax. A job will really make you fill independent and its nice to buy your own stuff with your money. But when you go to college dont overdo it with work if you can afford that. Its better to work with you degree rather in some stupid shop or fast food place where everyone treats you like crap. Not saying you souldnt do it because it will be an experience that can teach you to deal with people and speak up for yourself in a respectful yet uncompromising manner. I dont know if you can understand what I mean… but you will at some point. Use this time to learn. We can always learn in life. Learn do deal with your anxiety and your anger. Learn to be patient. These feelings will not go away even if you have a decent job with decent money. You will always have to manage your thoughts and your time. I’m saying this stuff to myself too. Im not perfect either. But I thing I’ve done some progress and you will to.
@anonie the thing is I live in a very small town, my abusive ex is literally four houses down from where I live. I feel like I cant breathe at my own home. around February I convinced my dad to get me a treadmill and I enjoy it everyday. I run on it five days a week and give myself a break on weekends. I love running and I love getting the runners high. I 1000% plan on attending college and also plan on becoming nurse. no way im walking out of here with out a proper education and a diploma to depend on. a diploma will never leave me or decide to mean nothing to me. as long a I have my RN im good. I won’t need anyone. I owe it to myself to walk out with something.
Warning Comment