April 25th, 2021

Last Sunday Night in the Lounge for the forseeable future.

I’m really going to miss this shit, honestly.

I know I don’t own the casino or anything, or the bar, so … I get that, okay – but it’s my space. It’s my bar. I’ve put a dozen years into it. I give a damn about how it looks even when some others don’t – and it really just pisses me off to be in the position where the only sane choice is to walk away from it.

Could I just throw on my glasses and stay there? Sure. Won’t be able to do anything ‘cuz my glasses do NOT correct my vision well enough to be an even half-assed worker, but I could do that. Sure. Also won’t be able to wear my contacts otherwise because my eyes will be too irritated from all the smoke. So driving safely becomes an issue. School becomes a complete non-entity. And who needs to try for a better future, right? Just keep slinging beers blind in my comfortable place. Meh. But that’s obviously not a choice. Staying in that environment, no matter how comfortable it may be, nullifies my ability to do almost everything else. I can’t trade away the future as an even swap for comfy. Nope.

Sundays were always cool. Don’t have to share the tips, ‘cuz it’s just you, but still a generally good flow of people and you stay busy. It’s hard not to be a little angry about it. It’s hard not to be really disappointed by it. I keep thinking silly things like “But who’s going to keep the damned cabinet organized where we keep all the empty beer boxes?” ‘Cuz friends – the answer is ‘nobody’. That thing stays organized because I made a concious decision to give a shit, because damn – no one else does.

-deepbreath-

ANYway. So that’s all in my head last night.

The shift was okay, though. Saw a lot of my Sunday regulars – insert another sigh there – made some decent money.

I officially signed the paper work that basically makes me an ‘on call’ employee now. I’ve got every other Saturady night in the service bar still, plus occasionaly banquet gigs and I’m sure they might call if they have call-ins or something. So it’ll at least be a little extra money still.

Just one more night back there and then a constant backdrop of my life for a dozen years gets walled off from me. I have a feeling that I’m going to have a good cry on Friday after work. Can’t help but feel that’s a little dumb. Can’t help but feel that’s completely a thing too.

Don’t be surprised if I hang around wistfully until surveillance sends security to ask why the FUCK I’m still in the bar so long after we’re closed.

I know this whole thing wasn’t a personal vendetta against me or anything. I do.

It’s just what they decided to do for their biz – and hell – I don’t own the place. While I think it’s really stupid in terms of moves…. my thoughts on that don’t really matter in the decision process. I wish they -did-.  But here we are anyway.

Ahwell. I’ve got shit to do.

Take it eays, folks.