reminiscing

so recently I’ve been reminiscing. here I feel like I can say whatever the fuck I want so I will. I’ve been missing my hoe life. I haven’t been out there and playing guys for like a year now. so much of it is unfinished. due to covid school got cut just when I was getting my groove back. I miss it so much. the feeling of getting ready for hookups. my heart racing like crazy. make sure im clean and smell good. leaving school for hours and just enjoying my life. of course all this happened during school. I was big on ditching. I always ditched because I never had freedom. I was never able to tell my parents im going out for dinner with friends. or going to the mall with friends for a couple hours. they never trusted me when I didn’t give them a reason. they just decided from the get go of my high school that I wouldn’t be allowed out. I was able to go to a few birthdays but that was all. them doing this to me is what made me so sneaky and dishonest. (any parents reading this I can guarantee you your child always finds a way) I always did with a psycho dad. anyways when college comes around im too getting back onto my shit. there’s this one guy from my past that I will definitely get back in contact with. he was such a dad. he was 6’3 with a dad bod and lit asf. our hookups were #1 no questions asked. he was such a man that’s the only way I could put it. he acts as if he is 24 in a sexy way. older guys are forsake my thing. which I for sure blame my daddy issues on. but him being such a dad when he’s my age is perfect. never have to worry about lying to the cop am I right haha. anyways I won’t be able to do any of that until I get my own car. I 1000% need my own car for any of this to take action. im going to have a car forsake by august of this year. which is months from now. but its ok I’ve waited all this time. I just know this diary page will really actually be put to use then. I like it. I have a diary at home but I never get feedback since its a book and a pencil. but I also don’t get that much feedback on here. so I might find another more active public diary page. or maybe I don’t get feedback because my life is dead??? but I don’t know I also realize on other entries that I read that not many people on here even get comments. idk im ramming now. its 3am goodnight.