Fire til it wasnt then it was

The Bipolar rollercoaster.

Almost as soon as i picked him up, he barely could look me in the eye.

He mumbled stuff, we talked basic bs, how he was doing… good…. all the stuff strangers say.

Once i got out of the area, the first question he posed to me is… why do you think i have a girlfriend?? I don’t! And i kindly told him that we were going to have a good time, we could talk about it later. I wanted to enjoy my evening with him, without fights or arguments.

Subject changed.

To everything but.

About halfway, he put his finger up because november rain was on the radio and it was cut short.

Then he rested his hand on my thigh, as he always has.

That brought me tears i did not intend. He said he was nervous.

I calmed him.

And i was right. The minute we got inside, he started on me.

I made myself a very strong drink.

We spent the entire evening in each others arms, taking our time making up for lost time. It was beautiful.  Like, perfection.

We slept a bit, and he woke up at 330, i had to pee so i couldn’t pretend to sleep anymore.

At 5, we went to dnds, grabbed him a coffee, and me a vanilla spice. We talked. For hours.

We cried.  Over everything.

He was getting “passionate” with his words.

I left him to pick up lillian.

I brought her back, and he surprised her by hiding in the closet.

I made her open it and the smile on her face was so big. It made me cry, again.

We talked a lot more.

He and i were finally conversating as we should have. He said he loves me, said he was doing all this for us.

And connecting, and telling me about how he hates where ge lives and i felt guilt…. he was getting ready, i asked him when, he said soon….

So we talked a bit more about the dna test. I asked him if he wanted to get it done. He said he didn’t care.

Lilly needed his attention and his patience ran out.

he snapped at her, and then at me for taking too long.

then he continued to scream at me thru 50 percentof the car ride home.

i told him his and mine are the same fucking issues.

he was nasty af to me, talking rapidly, nothing he said made sense.  My crying didn’t help but wtf.

then he went in the gas station for smokes.

then… he flipped and was okay, again.

Bet he missed his meds for a lot longer than a few days.

On the way to his house, i got to see where he lived.

I cried. Ugh.

Emotional day.

Then he hugged me, kissed lilly said ge would see us again and told lilly he was working… and left.

Then he called me twice while i was driving,  i called, he texted me.

A long Emotional day, for sure.