*****Well Maybe Things Change*****

Once again, it’s been forever since I’ve been here.  I find its very hard to get on here and take the time needed to clear my head and capture my thoughts in a sane kinda way when theres a little girl tugging at me or trying to eat everything she finds.  I can’t believe she is nearly 9 months already, time has flown.

OD, what has happened to you since I’ve been gone??  Will I have the time to ever come and explore all your new features??  What I see so far I like……..it seems more ODer friendly, but then again, I havent been able to sample much of it yet.

As far as Stephen and I go, things seem to be better than they were a few weeks ago.  Of course we still have our moments, but I really dont feel like we are in the same place we were just a short while ago.  I feel better about our relationship right now.  We finally had a date night the other night, nothing big, just bought him a cd and went to dinner.  Even though it wasnt much, it was still alot…….we were alone, we actually held hands.  At first holding his hand felt akward, we havent done that since probably around the time I got pregnant.  I started to waddle a little slower than he was walking and usually just ended up WAY behind him, which made it hard to hold hands.  Since then we havent really gotten back into that habit, which we used to indulge in ALWAYS.  I missed holding his hand and didnt realize how much until that night.  The fact that it felt akward just goes to show its been too long.  We still have a long ways to go with our relationship and working out all the little bugs, we will probably be doing that for the rest of our lives, but at least we’ve started making progress.

I am flying to NY on the 17th with Brooke, alone.  Stephen is driving up a day or so later.  His mom is having bypass on the 20th.  Lets start there, her surgery, Im so damn nervous, look at what we’ve been through with dad.  I dont want to do it all over again with his mom.  On top of that I dont know whats going to happen…….my entire life could be turned upside down and inside out in the next few weeks.  I’ve always promised Stephen that if anything ever happened to his mom I would move back to NY with him to take care of her………I intend to stand by that promise………no matter what.  I’m worried for Stephen and his brothers……..not to mention Brooke.  Ugh, I just hate this.  Im trying to do things to keep me distracted enough to not sit down and just think about it all………I dont want to think about it.

Flying alone with Brooke, thats got me nervous as hell too.  I have never been so nervous about a flight in my life and I know its because she will be with me.  Im trying to prepare myself for all the what ifs……….thats another thing I dont want to think about.  Im sure we will be fine………Im sure we will come and go in one piece, but I cant help but think of the possibilites.  Not to mention the whole flying with an infant thing, the hassle that will be.  Oh what fun.

His mom doesnt know Brooke and I are flying up, we are gonna be a little surprise for her.  Im excited to surprise her. 

Brooke, oh what a mess that child is, she took her first steps a few weeks ago, shes not really walking yet, but she does take some unassisted steps here and there.  She is into everything and eating every thing she can find.  Drives me nuts.  Im constantly chasing her.  I love her, more and more each day.  I just sit there staring at her in awe, I cant believe shes mine, I cant believe shes grown up this fast…….just everything she does makes me smile.  Shes started giving kisses too.  There is nothing like a wide open mouth wrapped around my lips……….I love when she gives me kisses.  She will be 9 months the day we fly out.  Seems like just yesterday Stephen was wheeling me into the Special Care unit to meet her for the first time.

And lastly, myself, Im doing ok.  My sister and I have started going to the YMCA to work out.  Not making much of a difference yet on the outside.  But on the inside I feel a bit better.  I feel like I have a bit more energy.  Hopefully it will start working on the outside……….I REALLY need to loose this weight.  Its holding me back in so many ways.

I guess thats all for now……..Im gonna go join my little one in la la land now.  Goodnight all!!

She passed out the other day while eating.

Making a silly face

 

She would sit in there all day if I let her

Yummy Yummy

Me and my gorgeous

First pedi

Lastly, my two greatest loves, these were actually about 2 months ago

My precious and her popsicles