Lookin Back

I’ve been thinking back alot lately, to how my life used to be compared to how it is now.  I know I shouldnt live in the past and Im not, but this life Im living now is so much more different than I ever imagined for myself.  There are somethings that I wish were a part of my current life, not anything specifically from my past but just somethings.  In no way am I saying Im unhappy with how life turned out, just amazes me at how different I thought it would be.  For instance, I married someone almost exactly to the T that I swore I never would.  Just goes to prove that life doesnt always go the way you want it to, sometimes it goes in a much better direction.  Unanswered prayers, isnt that the truth. 

I thought for sure Id meet a sweet southern man who’d sweep me off my feet in that old fashioned southern way, we’d have a house way up on a hill somewhere, out in the middle of nowhere, spend our nights on the front porch, listening to crickets with the dog curled up at our feet.  Eventually we’d have a few little kids, watch them splashin in the river, playin chase through the bales of hay, with the dog chasin right behind them.  I just always thought I’d end up living a real southern-country lifestyle.  Part of me wishes I had that.  But on the same note I woudlnt trade what I do have for that.  I dunno, lots of strange emotions going through me.  Instead of living that life Im living my life.  I married  a transplanted Yankee, we have our own 5 little acres, not really much of a porch but a few dogs out in the yard and its fairly quiet out here and we’ve just started on the babies.

I miss things, crazy little silly things kids growin up in the country tend to do.  I miss that stuff, but then again Im not a kid any more.  I miss spending weekends out at the river, playin with cousins in the hay, my truck in some good mud. 

Theres really no way to describe the southern life, I hope my children grow up with that same fondness for it the same pride I have.

I guess having Brooke makes me think a lot about these things.  Wondering what her life is going to be like.  Things I want her to experience and hope she enjoys.  I guess that truly is where all of this comes from.  She amazes me, I dont think there has been a single day that has gone by that I havent had tears in my eyes since having her.  Sometimes I just look at her and it brings tears to my eyes.  I pray that that continues.   That just looking at her will always bring a tear to my eye, even when we arent seeing eye to eye, because of the love I have for her.

Speakin of lookin back, I havent been here in a month.  Thats got to change.  I need to get back on track, answering notes, reading faves, and writing.  But I dont know how thats going to happen.  Dad is home now, this was his first week home, my sister and I are staying with him during the day.  Its been quite a bit challenging and we arent quite sure that its going to work.  On the same note, its only been a week.  I dont want to give up this soon.

Thats all for now.