Just Ignore It

This is just me venting…..for myself.  To let a few things out, get them off my chest.  Will be short and sweet.

Im stressed, depressed to no end, cried all the way up here to the library today.  Turns out they are only giving me $10 a month, wasnt a one time thing.  So I signed the appeal form.  Let them know that with the money from unemployment I will still be about $350 short each month on bills alone, which leaves no money for groceries and that $10 will barely buy bread and milk.  If I was only going to be able to get $10 a month then I dont want the thing.  I really fking dont.

I hate my boss more and more each day.  Just when I was starting to get my life on track…….he screws me.

Stephen isnt much help.  I keep stressing that we have bills to pay, that I want to manage our finances, well his paycheck, since Im not getting much of one now.  He’s reluctant to let me take over.  Hes said before he doesnt want to have to beg for money etc etc. I think hes mostly just worried about his fking smoking habit.  Which lets get to that.  We got into a big fight a few weeks ago.  On the drive back from NY for Christmas we decided that we would set aside 2 weekends a month for a "date night".  We knew we wouldnt have much money for January so we decided just to have one date night in January.  Here we are midway through Feb and still havent gone on a date.  Unless you count the stupid waste of gas to the bar for Craigs 30th.  Which Im not.  We’ve had 2 chances to go out and both times he declined.  I got pissed.  We never go out, never do anything.  Now with me not working my ENTIRE fking life is spent at home, I want to get out a little bit.  Im not asking to spend a couple hundred bucks, it would cost us about $15 to go to the movies in town, I cant even get him to do that.  But he can go off and spend 5 bucks a day on a pack of fking cigs.  His main excuse for not wanting to go out, we cant afford it right now, hed rather not spend the money.  Yet every fking time I turn around hes spending a little money here and a little money there.  Like today he called and said he wanted Blimpys for lunch.  There goes the money for one movie ticket.  He doesnt want to spend that money though, right?!?!?!  So I used the argument of if I have to compromise and give up date night then he should have to compromise and cut back on all the money he spends on cigs.  Hasnt happened yet and Im sure it wont, hes selfish about it and not willing to even give it a fking try.  And the fact that he isnt willing to let me take over all finances, because goodness knows hes not very good at managing his, just because hes afraid I wont give him money for cigs is pretty fking selfish/ridiculous too.  Is this what my forever is going to be like??

Anyways, I gotta go, my brother wants lunch.  Im depressed and this is just making it worse.