It’s only fair that you know…..

John enjoyed his gifts last night.  He was a bit upset that his cake wasnt a crazy cake like mine and dads….::shrugs::  Kris and I got him some glow in the dark paint & paint brushes (of course) for his room.  We also got him a strobe light and a black light, along with the Starsky and Hutch movie.  He had already opened the paint and the movie a week or so ago……so he just had the lights to open.  Tony and Josh were there so they were in his room with the strobe light throwing shit at each other cause it was funny or something.  First they painted for a while and with the black light the paint glows really good.  So it’s cool that he liked that stuff.  They are a bit lame, but Kris got him a big nice stero for x-mas and I got him the recorder……he really wanted both of those things…..and those are big gifts so we didnt see the point in getting anything big for his birthday.

I got to work this morning……and this was waiting for me….”if you truly want me out of your life, let me know and i’ll go….this regarding our last conversation and your diary entry”  My heart sunk the moment I read it. I dont know how to respond to it.  My head says……’yes, please, just leave me alone’ but my heart wants to beg them to stay. I know you read this……so I will try to give the best response here.  I’ve told you a million times I feel like an idiot with this situation.  I dont want to walk away from you……I want you to stay here…..but not with the way things are now.  As I said, I feel like what I’m giving out isnt being returned at all.  I’m not even speaking on a romantic level……simply a friendship level.  I understand you have your life and things going on….but something just does not feel quite right.  A long time ago you asked me if that particular entry was about you…well I with held the entire truth.  It was about you.  I also understand that there are just things you dont want to speak to me about……thats fine, I’m not at all upset about that….you hardly speak to me at all it seems.  When you do….its only bits and pieces of things.  Why it just does not feel right is not just based on the communication between us……its something else as well that I cant quite put my finger on.  BLAH, maybe I’m just being overly dramatic, its not like I should expect much from our situation anyways……perhaps I’m expecting a bit too much.  With that, I’m going to shut my mouth before I say more than I want to.

I’m supposed to work tomorrow I think…….but I’m tired as sin and I have things I need to get done so I think I will take the day off.  We shall see though.

Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone.  See ya later……..TATA!

Alabama-Forever’s As Far As I’ll Go (Dang good song if I do say so myself)

I’ll admit I could feel it
The first time that we touched
And the look in your eyes
Said you felt as much

But I’m not a man
Who falls too easily
It’s best that you know
Where you stand with me

Chorus:
I will give you my heart
Faithful and true
And all the love it can hold
That’s all I can do
‘Cause I’ve thought about
How long I’ll love you
And it’s only fair that you know
Forever’s as far as I’ll go

When there’s age around my eyes
And gray in your hair
And it only takes a touch
To recall the love we’ve shared

I won’t take for granted
You’ll know my love is true
‘Cause each night in your arms
I’ll whisper to you

Repeat chorus

Tag
Forever’s as far as I’ll go