Will he ever go away?

I havent seen or talked to Kris yet…..and now I’m having second thoughts about saying anything to her.  Is it really worth putting a small strain on our already strained relationship?  I mean, things between us arent that bad, but we have had a few problems here and there.  Blah……I deserve the chance to call her out on allowing me to look like a fool.  So I will do it.  She can just get over it, its wrong what she allowed to happen.

I must have read that letter to Joseph a dozen times yesterday. ( I read it today and found a typo, but I’ve already printed it so I’m not correcting it. )  After each time I read it I was even more confident about giving it to him.  I was pumped and ready to slam it down in front of him then walk away shaking my ass proudly with my head held high as if to say "Take that fker I’m better than this".  Then this morning as I rose from my bed, I realized if I gave it to him today I would gently push it in his direction, give him an "I’m sorry" look then walk out slowly with my head hung to my toes.  I’ve lost that confidence, I’m having second thoughts about giving it to him. I feel so stupid for having written it.  I know I should tell him those things….but I’m afraid to.  Mostly afraid of it causing me more problems.  Is it really worth it?  Why cant I just walk away having never said anything?  If I give it to him I risk living in hell.  If I dont give it to him I will be angry with myself for not doing it.  BLAH!  I hate this………why do I have to doubt myself and second guess myself all the fking time? WHY?

Nana has no reverse lights on her car.  Last night after work I went and picked John up from a pals house, as I was leaving I backed into a tree.  I didnt see the damn thing until just before I hit it.  It was dark outside.  Luckily though there was NO damage to the car. The tree, however, lost a few pieces of bark.

I’m hungry, I think I shall go get some lunch soon.

Trae is gone until the 27th…….that sucks…..oh well, hope he has a pleasent and fun trip.

I’m sooooo glad today is Friday…….and there is no zoo tomorrow.

I still havent got my email back up and running, and it does not appear as though I will.  I’ve just lost EVERY fking thing………I hope the zoo hasnt sent me anything important or the bill companies and such.  If so I’m screwed.  Apparently the case is closed because they sent me a fking customer service survey this morning asking how things went……umm hello I didnt know we were done discussing it.  Bastards!

I guess thats it for now……..have a great weekend everyone!

Will He Ever Go Away~Reba McEntire

 
On a cool gray morning
I watched with my own eyes
As he headed out the driveway
And finally out of my life
Oh, I knew he’d soon be
Miles from my mind
So why should tears start falling
After all this time

How can a memory last this long
Will he ever go away
Even the stars burn out and fall
Will he ever go away
How can someone who left so long ago
Still be here with me today
Will he ever go away

Shouldn’t I start living my life for myself
Shouldn’t it be easy to fall in love with someone else
Oh why should it be his touch
I feel in the dark
And will his voice always
Echo through my heart