The girl I used to be

Well, I accomplished nothing yesterday while shopping.  I bought frog 3 books and had Kris pick out one shirt.  Yeah, Kris ended up getting off work early enough to go with me.  I guess I’ll have to go finish shopping on Saturday since I have no zoo.

Yesterday Kris informed me that Joseph talks shit about me all the time.  She didnt say anything other than he has said a few things here and there.  I asked her to tell me and she didnt.  I told her that if Billy were talking shit about her then I would tell her and she said that was different.  Umm no its not different, bottom line, she is my sister if I hear ANYONE talking shit about her I will inform her.  She said she just didnt want to get in the middle of it.  BULLSHIT.  She tells billy every fking thing any one says, even if it does not concern him.  I have told her things in secret and she has gone back and told him.  I couldnt go to sleep last night because I was thinking about the fact that she does not tell me that people talk about me behind my back.  Not just Joseph, but everyone else as well.  My gut tells me that when I’m not around LOTS of people talk about me.  Why?   Am I that important to them that they have to talk about me non stop?  Anyways, I plan on confronting Kris about it.  Letting her know that she has allowed me to be an even bigger fool.

I also sat down and wrote a letter to Joseph.  I will post it in a bit and I want EVERYONES opinion on it PLEASE! 

Geeze, I feel so stupid, and here I go back into my downward spiral.  What is so wrong with me, that people feel the need to be two faced to me?  I’m not a bad person, I swear.  I would do ANYTHING for anyone.  Why can I not get a bit of respect.  As far as boys go, I’m so sick of them all.  They all play too many games.  They only want to talk to me when they are horny.  And that goes for EVERY guy who "appears" to be interested in me at the moment.  If you are reading this, yes even you.  No one wants to talk to me and carry on a decent conversation unless somewhere in there sex is mentioned.  I HATE that.  I dont know what to do anymore?!?!?  I want to run away and hide from it all.  What is so wrong with me, why does everyone treat me like this?  Do they look at me and realize I’m weak and they can use me to their advantage?  My heart hurts with these thoughts.  I’m so angry I’m not even angry anymore.  So hurt I cant hurt, so depressed I cant be more depressed, so lonely etc………I feel so unwanted, so lost……….I dont know what to do anymore!

Kim Marsh~The Girl I used to be

Chorus
I don’t wanna have a broken heart
I don’t wanna sole that’s torn apart
I don’t wanna have to live with al the pain you give me
I don’t wanna cry for you no more
I don’t wanna lie here on the floor
I just wanna find my way back to the girl i used to be
Everything was going well
life was good and love aswell
i thought i’d had my share of kiss and tell
well,well
you were all that i adored
i could not have asked for more
never would have let you go for sure
Bridge
Now i don’t understand this game we’re playing
don’t you understand what i am saying
Chorus
I don’t wanna have a broken heart
I don’t wanna sole that’s torn apart
I don’t wanna have to live with al the pain you give me
I don’t wanna cry for you no more
I don’t wanna lie here on the floor
I just wanna find my way back to the girl i used to be
This is how these stories go
play the fool before you know
you’re just another actor in a show
oh no
guess it’s all left up to you
guess there’s nothing left to do
guess you’re on the hunt fo something new
Bridge
Now i don’t understand this game we’re playing
don’t you understand what i am saying
Chorus
I don’t wanna have a broken heart
I don’t wanna sole that’s torn apart
I don’t wanna have to live with all the pain you give me
I don’t wanna cry for you no more
I don’t wanna lie here on the floor
I just wanna find my way back to the girl i used to be
Bridge
Now i don’t understand this game we’re playing
don’t you understand what i am saying
Chorus
I don’t wanna have a broken heart
I don’t wanna sole that’s torn apart
I don’t wanna have to live with all the pain you give me
I don’t wanna cry for you no more
I don’t wanna lie here on the floor
I just wanna find my way back to the girl i used to be
I don’t wanna have a broken heart
I don’t wanna sole that’s torn apart
I don’t wanna have to live with all the pain you give me
I don’t wanna cry for you no more
I don’t wanna lie here on the floor
I just wanna find my way back to the girl i used to be
The girl i used to be