A hundred times

I wanted to write to him a hundred times. I do miss him. The only man I’ve ever been so in love with. I know he needs anger classes.

He has to want it. I can’t help him.

But that message this morning got me so fucked up.

And the AE no response. So this tells me, not to do it.

So i sit here with my thoughts.

He trusts me, sexually. That’s how we connect.

Is he just fucking w my head, seeing how far backward i will bend for him?

Does he feel bad about even asking me? I would rather he come to me than find someone else.

I miss the good times.

What will it be like the first time back w me? And, Will it be soon??

He can’t find a single person to bring him here? Not one? He can’t say, hey, i need to talk to her face to face and his friends be understanding?

Are they keeping him away because they’re afraid for me? Or manipulation?

He could pay someone.

Theres a million ways.

How long should i wait?

Ugh.