08/26/2010

August 25, 2010

10:15 am

I’ve been having a problem with Open Diary since last night, I can’t seem to log in, so I figured that it is probably the web site. So…..I will just write and save my entry here to put into OD later.

We are getting closer to K’s operation date. Friday afternoon. I know that he is nervous, but he is pretty much keeping it to himself. I, of course, am nervous, but I don’t want to really let him know that so that is something else for him to worry about. He will be so much more comfortable when it is over. *fingers crossed*

Today I am paying for my netbook on e-bay. I am looking forward to it, but not as excited as I thought I would be. Not much is getting through to me emotion-wise, I feel very NUMB. I have an appointment with p-doc tonight. Don’t really want to see him, but don’t feel that I really have a choice. Not if I want to stop feeling the way that I do. Ugh.

Yesterday was the first time that I had been out of the house since Saturday. I have only wanted to stay here in bed, and do NOTHING. Not eat. Not read. Not play with the dogs. Not talk to my husband. NOTHING. And I know that that isn’t right. But part of me just doesn’t give a shit.

One of our baby turkeys died. I wanted to cry when I saw his floppy little neck and his insides gone, but I couldn’t. Nor have I been able to eat chicken or turkey.

I really am a sad mess. Fuck me.

Tried to read some of my Administrative Office Procedures manual, but I couldn’t really concentrate, so I most likely will have to read that section all over again. Pfft.

Anyway, enough of depressing you dear diary.

Maybe I will feel better after we take a ride and get something to eat.

*kat