06/02/1994

2:42 am

I have been washing dishes, and doing laundry for the past 4 hours – in betwixt time I did my legs of steel, and my legs are killing me!

9:45 am

Believe it or not, I only slept 6½ hours and I still have loads of energy! Last night, (or actually this morning) I stayed up and read a few pages of the bible, and I had to read it out loud, because it’s the only way I could understand what I was reading. I’m getting ready to go & see Trudy, so A RE VA DARE CHEZ!

11:31 am

I’m in the waiting room at Acadia, because Trudy is running a little late. I just read over my journal entries within the past month and I have really gone through some changes! I called Dad last night, and he said it was great to hear me so happy.

June 3, 1994

11:33 pm

Kevin + I are on our way to "Limestone" to a junkyard he’s been wanting to visit ever since he got his ’61 T-bird. It’s a 4-4½ hour drive, so we’ll be on the road for awhile longer. He just pointed out Mt. Katahdin to me, and we’re going to the Scenic stop-off about 2 miles up the road.

We went to see my mother and the kids (before they move away) LAST NIGHT. Talk about a rude-awakening"! I guess the novelty of seeing me again wore off really fast! She was her rotten self again, but the difference was myself. I didn’t take offense to her bcause it’s her, and she will never change.

I went and I bought a graduation present for Bambi (so she wouldn’t feel left out when I gave Donnie his B-day present) but for all my thought + effort, neither one of those kids even said Thank you! Bully for them. Some things just never change but at least I got to give Bambi the purse that I made her for her birthday.

Mom was very INCENSED (peculiar choice of words) about my speaking to my father – but – oh well. Nothing I ever do will please both of them equally, so they are just gonna have to DEAL WITH IT! Anyway, the visit was really same old/same old but I don’t know what I really expected. A major/drastic change? Repentance for her sins? NOT!

Then Kevin & I argued on the way home–about Victor. The way it was, was that I felt if I wanted to tie up loose ends with my ex, then Kevin really had no right to tell me that if I did it, not only would I "suffer" the consequences, but he would "never forgive me". He wouldn’t talk to me about his reasons, so I tried grasping at straws, and when I said something about being afraid to lose to Victor, he said he wanted to "drop it". When we got home we put Aaron to bed, and I did my legs of steel while Kevin crashed around the garage. It was a really strange time, because I didn’t get in his face and push the subject, I just went about my business. We watched a movie together – he on the farthest couch, and me on the big couch with Rascal. I guess I felt all-right, because I didn’t feel like coddling the dog to "compensate" for the space between K & I.