06/01/1994

11:35 am

You’ll never guess where I went last night (or yesterday afternoon). I first went to my "friend" Vicky’s house, and I got a really chilly reception, and she said that Joe had chix pox, but he was playing outside with another little boy – well, I didn’t wait for a foot up my ass, I just left and headed for home.

On the way I stopped at Kristen Caldwell’s house, and I got a real chilly reception there too, (I guess my vibes are made of ice-cubes!)

So, I headed up to Harmony. Yes people, that’s where my mother lives. So, with the knowledge that I might get a door slammed in my face, and the hope that I might get "something" straightened or "fixed", and drove out there. At first she wouldn’t open the door, and I started to get really angry, until I realized that I would probably have done the same thing. So, after about 2 or 3 minutes, I just yelled I only wanted to talk to her – and after another minute or so, I went back to the car, and picked Aaron out of his car seat, and sat him in my lap in the driver’s seat, and very slowly rode down to the water’s edge and cried a little. Then I went back, and brought Aaron up to the door, and yelled that I just wanted to talk, and I thought she might want to see her grandson. Well, I saw her coming towards the door, and she opened it up a tiny crack, and looked out, and I said "Hear me out before you kick me out". And she + I talked and I told her I just wanted to let the past STAY THERE, and be "family". Because I’m only gonna have one mother in my lifetime, and we DO have a history together. Good thing I went yesterday too, because on Saturday she & the kids are moving to Florida!

I’m glad I made peace with her, and the past, and myself, because I feel so much better. and I can love her and accept her the "way she is" no matter what has transpired over our lifetimes.

7:00 pm

Quite a thunderstorm outside!