Letter to Dad

January 1994

*this letter was written to my biological father, who had not been a part of my life for the first 23 years.*

Dear Dad,

I’ve thought really long and hard about what to write in this letter. I’m being perfectly honest, I am afraid to tell you about my childhood, I don’t want you to think that I am "fishing" for pity, I’m NOT, but the little girl in me wants you to get angry enough at Maret to want to kill her.

Does that sound irrational? Read on.

Donald Williams starting abusing me when I was ten years old, and he molested and raped me until I moved out of the house at 18. When I was in seventh grade I told Maret what her husband was doing – she confronted him, and told him if he ever did it again she would kick him out.

It never stopped, and 3 or 4 months later she confronted ME, accused me of stealing her husband, and watching him try to rape me – then she said "That’s what you get for screwing around with my husband." From then on, both Maret and Donald sexually, physically + verbally abused me.

This is why I am currently in therapy – I see both a psychiatrist and social worker, and I have been hospitalized twice for depression. (It all came back to me when my son was born.) I recently called Maret to let her know that I was in therapy and she said I was making it all up, telling stories, and she hung up on me.

On the last day of December I sent Maret and the kids some of our family portraits and a letter trying to explain the reason that I needed to be in therapy FOR ME (and for my husband + son). Today I got a reply. (I also told her that I was trying to establish a relationship with you and I told her I was gonna tell you EVERYTHING.)

My "reply" was a piece of paper with a tombstone with the letters "R.I.H. (Rest in Hell) The Durens 1993" and she tore our pictures up into little tiny pieces. (How’s that for childish)

Kevin said that Maret will never be able to see Aaron and he is afraid that, as crazy as she is, she will try to harm the baby + I when we are alone. (Kevin works the graveyard shift.)

So, what do you think of your eldest daughter now? I grew up in a dysfunctional family – but I AM fixing my dysfunctions.

I am not sure how you are gonna "react" to what I have disclosed to you about my past, but I hope you still want to be my dad. If you don’t, I’ll understand.

I met Kevin when I was fifteen and he kept track of me as we moved from place to place. I told him about Donald + Maret when we were sixteen, and he wanted to take me away – he asked me to marry him when we were seventeen.

Maret and Donald didn’t like Kevin because he was normal and threatened their control. They only let me go out with Kevin when they needed him to help us move.

But now we are together and no-one can come between us. This therapy "stuff" is really hard on our marriage – but true love will persevere!

Please still write to me and keep in contact.

Love Always,

Amy Sue