December 19, 1993

December 19, 1993

9:40 am

I had a horrendous night! At around 1:00 this morning Aaron woke me up, and I hated was extremely mad at him, and I was overwhelmed by feelings of *confusion*, anger (directed at Aaron, and I was so livid that I didn’t bother to be logical about my feelings.) I still have those feelings right now – I don’t care about Aaron. The nurses have him out in the hall, and every time I hear someone says "he’s cute" it makes me bad mad. I called

I called Kevin last night, and was feeling depressed – he gave me flak about the phone bill so I hung up on him – then I tried for an hour to call him with no answer! This morning I called and asked Kevin to come + get Aaron to give me a break – said the roads were bad. DAMN HIM!

The nurses are aware of how I am feeling, because I called for help last night. COULDN’T COPE ON MY OWN – I just needed someone to keep me company – so I was FORCED to be logical. What am I going to do about Kevin? I don’t think I want to stay married to him. I hate him and what he does to me, and how he makes me feel! Why can’t I get that through his head?