10-28-93

10-28-93

Well, Kevin didn’t take the news about his mother well. He got very angry and yelled, and left the room. He came back in and wanted to apologize and hug me, but I told him not to touch me, and I started crying. What happened to that firm grip I had on getting mad instead of upset? Trudy says that my control is only an "illusion"–I’ve built walls around myself so high, that nothing can get in. Dr. Buchanon is coming this morning, and Kevin is going to talk to her. He wants to know why Dr. Buchanon feels that Donna is such a threat.

(11:29 am)

Dr. Buchanon stopped by a little earlier, and she told Kevin that it really was important that Donna leave. So he said she would be out by Monday, so Dr. Buchanon said that I could go home tomorrow. I hope she and I don’t have a confrontation about her leaving, before she is gone. It’s already causing tension before between K & I. Things are getting a little better between baby & I–he was laying in the bassinet and crying a little, and after awhile he’d stop & look around, and try again, and I watched him, and finally after a couple of minutes he figured out I wasn’t coming over, and he closed his eyes and went to sleep! I called my Medicaid worker earlier, and she said Aaron was approved for Medicaid, and she doesn’t know if I’ll be covered after my review, but I’m still covered through December. That’ll help.  I’m thankful we have Medicaid now, because this hospital stay is bound to be expensive. And the medication is probably not cheap.

(4:13 pm)

I have a massive cold! I want to take a nap, but I can’t seem to drift off. Kevin is coming by a little later, and I miss him, I can’t wait to go home and have him hold me. Things are getting better with Aaron, but I tend to worry about if when I get home I’ll start to feel those feelings again.