March 19, 1993

I’ve got to write, because I have ALOT on my mind. I’ve got 2 hours until dinner is done, and I can spend a few precious moments with my spouse. (I made pea soup for dinner, and Kevin isn’t too fond of P-soup.) I’ve been thinking alot about the bills I brought into this marriage – I owe $400 to Mayo Regional Hospital, (one of the reasons that I switched Dr’s to Bangor, because the doctor in Dexter does deliveries at Mayo.) I made an agreement around Nov-Dec of last year to pay them $10 a month, and that was when I was still working, but I haven’t sent a payment since Jan. 29th, the strange thing is though, I haven’t got a statement, bill OR anything for the collection agency! I’m beginning to worry, what if I get a letter "out of the blue", and they want to take me to court? What if the judge decides to put me in jail? I also OWE $200 to the radiologist in Bangor, $60 to Med-now, $40 to EMMC (where I’m gonna have my baby) and $15 to Dr. Beaurgois in Dexter! That’s $700 I owe in medical debts! Seven hundred dollars that neither K. or I have! I’ve also been thinking about having this baby. Dr. B assured me that Kevin could be with me during labor and delivery, but what I worry about if or how I’m going to handle the pain! Dr. Buchanon said that she would discuss pain-killers with me sometime, let me know what is available to me, and how they work. 1/2 of me wants to plug as many drugs as I can into me, and the 1/2 of me wants to see how far I can go without any help. I’m pretty scared about that moment, but pretty excited and nervous too! I’m gonna try to not think about it because it only scares me. So, until August (when I should be starting lamaze classes) I WON’T WORRY!