February 20, 1993

10:30 pm

Well, I have absolutely wonderful news! I’M PREGNANT! I found out for sure on the 12th, and it’s been a really "interesting" past week! First of all, I’m almost 7 weeks along, damn close to 2 months. I made an appointment with Dexter Family Practice, BUT they are going to wait until the beginning of April to see me – I’ll be 14 weeks by then – close to 4 months. I’ve been having really mixed and strange feelings since I’ve learned I’m gonna be a "Mama." Lots of things I’ve been feeling are "physical." Mostly my boobs are sore’n then hell! They fell like each breast has tiny sandbags in the nipples, and the "sand" shifts each time I move (especially when I stand up.) And in the past 2 or 3 days I’ve discovered the TRUE meaning of NAUSEA! Ooh wee! Today was the first time I puked though. Good ‘ole "morning sickness." It’s gonna be a really LONG 9 months. (7 actually.) My emotional changes are strenuous; Don’t get me wrong, I am really happy that I’m pregnant and I’m gonna have Kevin’s child, but I have some conflicting feelings. Like, where is my identity going to go? It’s no longer just me – it’s a baby too. A child. There will never again be just Kevin and I, there’s gonna be 3 of us. Whew, it’s a big impact (or has) a big impact on life as we know it. SCARY. And sometimes I get a little scared about the PAIN! and I feel a little bit "claustrophobic" like, thinking about the INEVITABLE pain, and knowing there is NOTHING I can do to escape it! It’s gets a little INTIMIDATING is all. I haven’t talked to Kevin about some things – I feel a little guilty about feeling ANYTHING negative about the baby. (Although my books say that it is perfectly normal.) But then I get those tiny little spurts of joy and pride, and I think of 7 monts from now. Today K, and I bought a crib and a stroller. They were used, but in good condition. We’re gonna keep our eyes open in Uncle Henry’s and yard sales and 2nd hand stores. (Gonna save us LOADS of money.)