October 11, 1992

6:31 pm

Hey! Well, it’s been a heck of a few days since I’ve written. about the dress, Judie got her other daughter’s wedding dress because she said she thought I would like the dress with more ruffles. She was right, I have nothing against the dress that J. made, but I love (absolutely adore!!) the dress with the lace and ruffles. It’s almost a "victorian" style dress, the waist comes down in a V and the sleeves are lace. The body (skirt) is silk and then lace over that. It’s even got a train. (Yes, I can live with it!) The bridesmaid’s dress that matches the wedding dress (it’s the same thing, but it’s pink instead of white) fits Tina really good, so that’s good. and Lena, my Maid of Honor told me today that she’s finding out about renting a dress. Now, I have all of that taken care of. On Wednesday, Oct. 21, K. and I start "pre-marital" counseling with the pastor who is going to marry us.

1:30 pm

I wish K. and I could have a better relationship. We love each other, that’s apparent, but we argue SO much!

Oct. 28, 1992 (Wednesday)

9:53 pm

Hey! Life has been good to your’s truly today! First, Lena come down to Reny’s and took ME out to lunch (at "Annie’s".) We sat and talked, and I told her not to buy a dress, because there most likely wouldn’t be a wedding (I’ll explain momentarily) – and we agreed to go to Bangor soon. Second, I asked Barb if she would hire me back full-time when she gets an opening, and she said she would! Granted, I don’t really relish the thought of playing "Peon" at R.H.Reny’s, but you just can’t run a household without 2 incomes! Besides, it can’t really be all that bad, because I’m not bald yet!! Third, my hair is growing! It’s gonna be awhile, but by summer, (7 months) it will be long enough in the front to wear up. (I don’t know if I will ever achieve that goal in my life!) and last but not least, I got food stamps today! $111 a month until February. (Then I’ll be married, so I won’t qualify anyway. And hopefully Barb will have hired me full-time again.) K’s mom (Donna) is here visiting – she got here Sunday and she’s leaving next Sunday. She’s not all that bad, she’s really nice.

Mom and I are getting along better. I think it’s different now that I have my own place. She feels different – she respects me. Bambi and Donnie are (or were) going to be part of the wedding, but now there isn’t going to be one. Yes, I said I would explain that. Hell, what would really be the point of a wedding? Yes, K. and I are still getting married, but we are NOT having a ceremony in a church. I don’t know, by all respects, I should want a real wedding (dress, flowers, cake and all) because I didn’t last time, but I don’t! I can’t deny that a part of me secretly wishes we were having a ceremony in a church with Pastor Jaworski and family and friends, but another part of me over-rides that feeling and I just want to run away and have the whole damn thing to ourselves! Here’s what we have planned – on January 1, 1993 Kevin and I are going to leave sometime in the afternoon to find a justice-of-peace and get hitched. Then we are going to a little hotel we stayed in in Ellsworth and we’re gonna spend 2 nights as Mr. and Mrs. Kevin Duren before we go home. It all sounds so romantic that way! and only once in a while I think about what I’m missing.