July 3, 1992

11:06 pm

Well. On Wednesday evening (the day after I called/spoke to D.H.S.) my wonderful parent called me. She was a-shaking! She ran off this whole spiel about how IF I called D.H.S., I would not be hurting her, but only hurting the kids. She begged, and she pleaded with me not to make the call – she was "pure sugar" and quite upset. I told her that it was pretty disgusting that she had to get Kevin in the middle of this war – she said she was sorry but I wouldn’t listen to her. What happened was; Donna called the house and asked to speak to Kevin, when I asked her why, she said it was a surprise. Ok? So, Kevin gets on the phone, and Mom wants to see him; ALONE. He was gone for an hour, and when he came back he informed me that I was NOT allowed to see Bambi and Donald anymore. Well! I cried for awhile, and then I called Mom, who WOULD NOT speak to me – so I told Donna to tell her that she was a "lousy fucking bitch", but that wasn’t enough for me, I had to talk to her in person. So I grabbed my keys, and, against Kevin’s wishes, I headed over the the bitch’s house. Well, Kevin I guess thought it fit enough to call and "warn" them that I was coming – so Donna (200+ pound Donna) was standing out on the porch when I got there, and she told me that Mom "was busy". So, I got pissed and told her to expect a call from Human Services and I took off. Well, I was really upset/shaking and crying, so I stopped to talk to a friend from work, and my car started acting up. I took it up to the mechanic, but his father said that he was gone, and a quick look resulted in a conclusion that I had an oil leak. OH GOODIE!! Anyways, I figured since Kevin had been listening to my mother’s shit for over an hour, and he called to warn her, and she called him after I had gone – so I figured that they were in cahoots together. I guess I was feeling a little sorry for myself that night. Barb had been on my case all day, now Mom was against me/my whole fucking family – and it seems like Kevin was against me too! I felt pretty low, and so I was assuming this feeling was a kind of hatred for my relationship with Kevin, so I channeled all my hurt into anger and I started to convince myself that it was over between Kevin and I. So when I got home and he was gone – I took his Thunderbird over to Dawna’s house. Hey, he once asked me to be his wife, I could use his car, right? Yes, it was an act of rebellion, but it didn’t make him mad, so it really had no thrill. Ya know? Well, the next day I told Kevin that I was going to call D.H.S. – I asked him if he thought that it was, ya know, a wise idea, if he would do it, and he said "under the circumstances" he would. That was NOT an easy decision! I tell you what. I had at first made the decision on the basis of revenge – but I had wanted to do something about the welfare of those kids. Somewhere, this stopped being Revenge, and it had nothing to do with my mother anymore; It was the kids’ future. Yeah. But what if I made the wrong decision and really fucked up 2 little lives? Argh! I had such a hard time with this decision, that Kevin kept asking me if I was okay, and he wouldn’t let me drive the night after I had finally told D.H.S. because even though I was an emotional wreck, I hadn’t cried yet. Next day Mother Dearest called all worried, and I let her grovel for awhile, and didn’t answer her whether I was gonna call D.H.S. or not. After 1/2 of an hour, I called her back and told her I had already talked to them. I also told her that I couldn’t deal with her shit anymore and there was NO chance of a reconciliation between us. Something snapped the night she was too gutless to tell me she was taking away my brother and sister. I put up with her NO MORE. As far as I am concerned, I don’t have a mother. For good.