May 10, 1992

12:01 am

Hallelujah! Today is Mother’s Day. Good wishes to all the mothers out there – what do you say to the bad ones? So many times I’ve wanted to tell my mother how much the things she’s done in my life have hurt me, but as far as I ever get is being rebellious and snotty. She shuts me off whenever I try to speak to her about these feelings I have, or she gets snotty. Okay – the way my mother has been treating me lately, I’d just as soon say "fuck it", and disown her. But, there’s the matter of my little brother and sister. It sickens me the way she and Dickface are raising those kids. And the bitch of it is – that I can hate the fact as much as I want, but there isn’t a damn thing I can do or say about the whole fucking thing!! Shit!!

June 3, 1992

9:00-ish pm

I need to write. I know it’s almost been forever since I’ve written, but now I feel a great need. Something is very wrong with me – not physically, but mentally. EMOTIONALLY. A couple of weeks ago Kevin asked me to be his wife – gave me a diamond and the whole schmele. But there were other circumstances, we were under the assumption that I was pregnant. Well – I’m not and we had planned to be married in February (14th) but now Kevin is hesitating – which leads me to believe that he only asked me because he had to, not because he wanted to. And we’ve been fighting alot, just like Victor and I did, which makes me wonder why we have a "thing", because he’ll grow to hate just the way Victor did!!