March 10, 1992

10:01 pm

Well, has it been a long weekend. I spent it with Kevin (of course), and yesterday morning I got a little scared at some discharge I was having – and Jane suggested Cranberry juice and a pregnancy test. Okay, I could handle it, I did plenty of those, and I figured it would be a negative, and that would be it. Ha! It was a positive. Holy Shit – scared the piss right out of me. I mean, here I am still married to one man, and pregnant with another man’s baby – talk about sticky situations!! Kevin wanted to talk about it, but shut him off. Well, after 6 hours of hell – yes, it’s just not a good time – we did 2 other tests, and they were both negative. I am soo relieved, but it wasn’t because it would have been Kevin’s child, but because everything would have been so complicated. I love Kevin, and I think I would someday like to have his child. But not right now.

We had a serious disagreement today, one which threatened our relationship. Guns. Kevin has a collection of rifles, which he wants to keep in his house. I refuse to live in a house with guns – they are very dangerous. Finally, after going round and round, Kevin said that if it came down to deciding between a warm body and 7 pieces of cold steel, he’d pick me. (But I have to let him have one during hunting season.) His decision hit my heart, he really must love me to give up one of his passions to make it easier. He said he made up his mind when I hugged him like I was afraid I was going to lose him.

Damn, ain’t love grand?