monday, monday

It’s monday morning, and I am alone in the house again. The kids have gone back to school. The hubby has gone back to work. I don’t really like being alone (might have something to do with the fact that  I don’t like my own company), but I also mostly keep to myself when everybody IS home.

I know that  I’ve got things to do that will keep me busy. The office is in a shambles because I started "cleaning" it. The bedroom is totally wrecked, and I could be in there cleaning it up. But, I almost hate to start, because then it will be in an ever bigger mess when I lose motivation. So why start?

I’m starving this morning, but have decided that this is the day that I start my diet. My diet consists of not eating ANYTHING, thus I will lost weight. Problem is, I have no will-power, and in a few hours  I KNOW that I will give-in, eat something, feel that  I have fucked up the diet for the day, and tell myself that I will "start" again tomorrow.

I think that the reason I believe that not eating will work, is because it has for me before. In 2003 I lost 100 pounds, by not eating. Took me a whole year, and it was hardly any effort, but  I wasn’t doing it on purpose. I just COULDN’T eat. The problem was, that I lost SO much weight, that my hair started falling out, my nails began to break and chip, and I was faint whenever  I walked anywhere too far.

But, all  I really remember is losing the weight. And since I know starving myself works, I’m singally focused on that. So says my mind. My body says, "I’m hungry, feed me", and once I let myself have one bite, it’s all over.

I really ought to go take my medicine.

Maybe I will just go lay in bed and finish the book that  I was reading. Write about something worthwhile in a little bit.

~Kat