Aqua Dangles
Made it to the p-doc’s and back.
My f-i-l DID show up, and he WAS mad. The miscommunication in this family is maddening…….everybody has a different agenda, and nobody bothers telling anybody what the hell is going on. Blah.
A and I shared a picnic lunch in the car – was a nice little interlude. There are not many moments when I get along with my oldest son, so I treasure the times that I do. (I just bribed him with chocolate, that’s all, lol).
I told p-doc that I wasn’t taking the Seroquel that he prescribed anymore, that coupled with the Ambien knocks me out–so what does he do? He cuts the Seroquel dose in half, and adds Trazadone!!! For God’s sakes, I am never going to be free of these medications!! (I think the Seroquel doesn’t really "work" for me because I took an overdose in 2003 that damn near killed me, and sub-consciously I remember that–but, when I expressed my concerns to p-doc, his comment was "well, it didn’t kill you, did it?"). Ugh.
Friday I have an appointment with my therapist, printed all of my diary entries so that I can share them with him. I do not mind reading my journal to him (things come out better that way), as long as he doesn’t look at me while I am reading. Just a little quirk of mine. I also don’t like him standing behind me, but that is a reaction to shit that went on when I was a kid, and he knows this, so he is very careful never to stand behind me, and never to touch me. He’s a good guy, really, and I never thought that I would be seeing a man and talking so in depth about my childhood, but he makes it easy. Kudos for R. In fact, he was my son’s therapist first, and I disliked him immensely, I thought that he was condescending, and totally against me as a parent. But by participating in A’s therapy, and then C joining in, I got to know him, and gradually started to trust him. (I do not trust men – only my hubby). Anycase, I am seeing R on Friday morning.
My son is giving me shit for liking Tinkerbell. Little chauvanist.
I miss my friend M. She and I were like sisters, for years, until she met a man. Not even a good man in my opinion. Then she moved away to be near him. They got engaged (but she bought her own ring), and about a month later, they broke up. I guess she’s stuck with him though, because she lives across the street from him, and I refuse to go to her house again. I stayed with her a few days last summer, and honest to god, I have never been so uneasy and scared in my life (except for the week that I spent in a homeless shelter when I was 19). It was in the city, and I am a country girl, it just didn’t work for me. But I miss her. We used to spend practically every day together.