A few words before I get back to homework, lol

So just wanted to stop in and say hey. I took a mini break from homework to come here to write. I’ve just been so tired and just needing me time, so here I am taking advantage of having the living room to myself.

So what’s going on with me? Absolutely nothing. I’d really rather be sleeping, but I am going to get as much of this done today as i can. I don’t wanna risk missing another assignment in this one class, if I do, I fail. Can’t have that. It’s not due for another 5 days but I wanna stay ahead of the game. I still have other assignments to tend to, so they are next on my agenda (not today tho, tomorrow or Thursday for sure). It’s been hard finding time to do anything with working both jobs. My deli job got me working 6 damn days this week (one day off), tho I’ve been given 3 days off at my second job. So either before work, or after work (sometimes between jobs) I work on homework, after taking a breather first thing when I get home lol. I just hope I pass, I really want to graduate this year, I’m tired of having so much to do, and little time for myself.

As for my personal life, it appears that we’re getting along. I don’t buy it for one damn minute, of course. Just a week ago he attempted to argue with me, and threaten to not have sex with me at all, that he is on the verge of ending this (eye rolls, how many times have I heard that), and asked if he was supposed to get sex somewhere else. It had been almost two weeks, guess he was getting antsy and became an ass. He tried again a couple days later when he asked me to pick up a certain sausage for dinner from the store I work at. Well I told him I could, but I would have to leave it in the work fridge at my second job. Guess he didn’t read that text. So then he gets home and cant’ find the sausage and texts me asking if I got it. I told him yeah and that it was with me. Instead of being cordial, he comes at me like “well all you had to do was tell me that and I would have gotten it myself” I refused to argue with him, so I just replied that I did tell him that. Then he goes back to look and says oh, didn’t see that text. He tried to explain that again when he picked me up from work. No apologies for being an ass due to HIS stupidity in not reading my text. Now, all of a sudden he’s this nice guy. He’s been trying to cuddle, he’s been trying to spend time with me, he’s been talking to me like he got some damn sense…blah blah. I know exactly what he is doing, since he knows his asshole tactics won’t get him any (not that him being nice will either), he’s resorted to his old stand by, play the loving SO. (rolls eyes harder). I don’t even care, this act can go to hell for all I care, because it means nothing to me. He just figures if he plays nice, I’ll comply. He figures I won’t leave if he acts right, but he hasn’t acted right all this time, why would he now? It’s all manipulation and it isn’t working this time. I’m still out the door as soon as I can. As soon as he thinks he has me again, he’d go right back into asshole mode. No more of this, his mind is on sex and sex only. I ain’t got time for that. I got my future to think about. I cannot wait until I am away form this fool, one way or another. Leaving the city for a job is still on the table. I can’t stand it here anymore, even tho I like the city itself.

As for my crush, well I haven’t really seen him all week. Last time I really saw him and spoke was when he called me pretty. That was last week. I haven’t seen him in pretty much a week, except the few seconds I saw him come in the break room to sit down. I’m beginning to wonder if he has his own car or gets rides lol, he seems to be at work early or sit in the break room after his shift. who knows, but I don’t look for him much anymore. If I see him I see him, if I don’t I don’t. It’s not like I’m in love, and I won’t spend my time pining after someone I don’t have when I got to get my own shit together anyway. I still like him, but the space has given me time to reflect on some things lol. 

There are a few people at this second job that are pretty cool, some get on my damn nerves. I’m pretty much nice to everyone, and most of the people there are pretty likable. There is another guy at work named Mike that seems decent, he speaks most times, and sometimes complement the work I’m doing (even if it’s cleaning a breakroom lol). We don’t talk much, but he seems cool. Not too bad looking either. However, I don’t really think of him that much outside of work. Well the other day I’m walking past him to head to garden center and he stops and smiles and asks how to pronounce my name (most times we pass so many coworkers but barely look at name tags, which we write ours on the apron we wear lol) as he wasn’t sure on how to pronounce it. He said that he appreciated that I was one of the few people in that store that is always nice to him. He mentioned that this coming Thursday was his last day as he was moving to Florida. Not sure what is taking him there, didn’t get a chance to ask, but I did hear him say it was southern Florida. The convo got cut short because his manager walked up to ask a question, and I had to get to work anyway to take someone off that was going home. I had noticed him a while back, but as anyone in there I just say hey and keep pushing. He’s not really flirtatious, but genuinely nice, so it made it easy to be nice to him. Today, I saw him as a few times in and out of the garden area and one last time before I was headed to clock out for the day. He sees me and goes “hey there you are? Are you leaving?” I said yeah, and that I’d be back tomorrow. He holds up his fist for a fist bump, so I oblige lol. He smiles and says to have a good night, I said you too and headed on my way. 

Ya know, I like the attention when someone actually cares enough to speak. I don’t fall for every guy that does this, but it’s really nice to have people I work with who are approachable and friendly. This is one reason I like working here, and hope that this becomes a permanent job at the end of this “season.” Although, I am still hoping to find that one full time job that takes care of it all, I need that to get further ahead. I hate how I put in applications for good jobs I KNOW I qualify for, they look at my  resume and keep moving. Not even a denial letter. I don’t get it, why can’t I find decent work here, full time with decent pay? It’s frustrating. I’m glad I’m working, but working two jobs AND going to school is hard (not to mention dealing with an asshole 24-7). Anyway, I hope that when I can move away I can find someone who can be as genuinely nice as Anthony and Mike seem to be. I’m gonna really just focus on me, and whatever happens happens.