Current mood: Giddy

Today was a decent day. I only worked 4 hours at each job, and had time to come home between them (for only an hour). I managed to get some of the homework due today started (the damn video presentation part of it anyway), but I am about to finish up here after I write this. So I was too glad to leave the deli job to come home, that place can drive me crazy. It seems lately it’s been taking extra long to get an Uber and when I do it’s a long wait. Going home from day job was 15 min wait, going to my second job was a 24 min wait and I had to pay 15.99 for a ride that’s usually $7-8. I had no choice. I was like 6 mins late to work too, and I called for them 35 mins before I had to be there. Work for the most part at second job was decent. I had to work at self check out which was boring. I did try not to think about Anthony, but ya know…but still I didn’t expect to see him. I figured if he was going to work, he’d already be there. So I just focused on other things and of course the customers. I like pretty much everyone I work with, with the exception of one person (many of us don’t like this person lol). So as time went on he did cross my mind, and I actually started to miss him (silly I know lol). I didn’t expect to see him tho, so I didn’t dwell on that. About 30 mins before I was due to get off work, I just happened to look up and I see him. He saw me and he smiled, but he got stopped by a customer looking for something so he had to go help them. He came back by a few minutes later and he smiled, I said hey to him and smiled, and he said “Hey pretty” as he passed. Totally made my day. I see him a couple times after but he was too far away to really speak or interact.

I was cool with  just the initial interaction today, it actually made me feel overwhelmed when he called me pretty. Like dude, why are you doing this to me lol. So yeah, that did make me feel really giddy. It also made me definitely feel like now is a good time to let S know we are not a couple. I left him mentally a long time ago. I just don’t know how I am going to have to deal with him since I still have to live with him. I certainly hope  I get this job I just applied for yesterday, that I feel I am qualified for it. They pay starting at $17 which is definitely enough for me to live on my own. So I  am PRAYING I can get this job. It’s downtown which is 15-20 mins from my house.  It customer service on the phones, which I have experience in. .I can either do Uber or bus, so I don’t have to worry that much about how I am going to get to work. I may not have to rely on S at all, that’s what I am hoping. Whether I get my own apt (which is what I am aiming for) or an extended stay hotel, I am going to get out of this house as soon as I can, so I can move on with my life. Then I can date freely without him being around. I don’t know what I am going to do if Anthony makes a move, but I will have to be honest with him and let him decide what he wants to do about it. I really can’t shake Anthony from my mind, and he makes me feel so good so it makes it hard for me to resist him lol. It’s crazy because I know nothing about him, and it’s been a gradual thing with my feelings. I’m not gonna lie, I am very curious about him and want to get to know him more. I just wish I wasn’t living in this house with S and his son, UGH what crappy timing he had to  pop into my life (talking about Anthony lol).

Anyway, I am going to get off of here and finish up this homework. I gotta get my mind off Anthony and off this situation I need out of with S. I have NEVER been in this situation before. Never have I fallen so hard for someone I barely know and “have” someone at home. I am clearly NOT happy with S, and haven’t been for a while. I can’t stand the way things are, and I aim to free myself. I can’t stand living here and pray this time God allows me to break free. I need that peace SO bad.