21/02/2021

It feels as though Spring is in the air. Yesterday and today the sun has been making semi regular appearances, yesterday for short periods of time but today the sun has mostly been out all of the time so far. I’m feeling quite good. Haven’t had a drink for a week now and plan to go ahead and do another week without alcohol, just to give my body a chance to return to normal. I spoke to a friend of mine yesterday, who I always meet up with and drink. We’ve arranged to meet up next Saturday, which will mean that I will have avoided alcohol for two weeks, which is what I wanted to do. However a part of me wonders if I’d like to do it more long term. I guess I worry that if I get drunk with him and his fiance that it’ll somehow negate or undo what I’ve done last two weeks. I thought to myself, I’d like to be someone who doesn’t drink by themselves, because it never really seems to be worth it, or more that a part of me feels like I”m kind of past doing that. So I’d be a person who doesn’t drink by themselves, or if does doesn’t have more than a couple of glasses of wine. And then drinks socially, at the weekend, with friends. However another part of me, a part which is growing now I think, wonders if I’d just want to pack in the binge drinking all together. I think that every time me and this friend have met up, and I”ve known him for over ten years now, we’d be drinking. Or I’d be drinking and he’d be smoking. So I’d have to learn to spend time with him, whilst he was drinking, and not partake myself. I could do it. This is the first time I’ve really acknowledged that I could do it, prior to this I was just thinking, oh we’d have to stop seeing each other. I don’t want that to happen because I love this guy to bits. He’s a good friend and has seen me through a lot. So I’d have to learn to be around people drinking, and not drink. But I’m not sure, I’ll have to see, mull it all over a bit more.

I guess I’d just like to take better care of my body, now that I’m getting a little bit older, well into middle age now. I like the idea of treating my body better. Although then another part of me wonders if I’m following this extreme path. Though then another part of me knows that’s not how the gremlins make out.

Anyway. I long rambling one. Cheers for reading.