Do what you say
I did exactly as I said I would, and I went straight to bed after sending him a text telling him not to rush.
I guess, he got drunk with them and came home after midnight, sometime.
He doesn’t drink. So my anxiety is gone, for now. He went to take that panel back to work, where ever that is. he wont be around for most of the morning.
He didn’t want my pancakes because he said he has sort of a hang over, and then gave it back to me but took an uncrustable.
Makes sense, right? Pancake too sweet, but peanut butter and jelly is fine.
I wonder if He’s back to accusing me of poisoning his food, next. nah, he doesn’t want to eat the food because he feels guilty about telling people
I starve him to gain sympathy from his daughter. He should be contributing. Hes too busy buying weed. And that’s validated for his “mental condition and ptsd” YES, but he even posted their recommended dosage and his is like twenty times more. And its not even that he smokes it, its NOT THAT AT ALL. i don’t mind it, I may not be his stoner chick he’s searching for, but I do smoke once in awhile, and by that i mean once or twice a month, other than the vape pen i puff from and kept for weeks unless he steals it and smokes in it three days… vs his non stop snoop dog lifestyle we cannot continue to live if he’s not contributing at all to it. I told him to leave my pen alone so that i could see how long it takes someone like ME to finish one cart, vs his. I don’t get that chance, so I can only say if i had the original cart i bought in July, I’d probably still have it or be on my second, not my fiftieth. I knew he was into pot since he was a child. I get that. I really, really do. And again I must stress i don’t mind it at all, but there’s addiction, and hes addicted to it. Secondly, its supposed to relax, but all it seems to do is irritate.
Everything needs to be done in moderation or he will go right back to another high and to be honest with you, I’d rather this than that. His slip up showed me his psychosis, where he swore i was poisoning his food to his parole officer.
He’s off parole now. But prior before his sentence, right before he checked himself in and even while he was in for the first few weeks, he heard people talking about ME in prison. He heard them say my first and last name and they lived in walnutport. Prior, I was sleeping with a dude that lived in my closet, every time his back was turned i was getting the d in me by someone else. funny to reflect on now, but it wasn’t then. It was downright frightening, even after i emptied the closet where this guy lived and showed him noone was hiding, he continued to insist he was in places that were not physically possible to be. Another time, we were outside, He swore he saw 6 guys hiding in my car, from him because they just got done sleeping with me. I told him to walk over and look, and he did. When he got back, they snuck out the other side of the car before i could get to hm.
At the eagle, when we were homeless, there was a porch across the street from the window he looked out. Those were people watchin his every move.
No, really. It was bad and that was on meth. Yes, I’ll chose this emotional verbal abuse over that, because i know damn well he’s just scared and
he will realize it sooner or later that I’m not fuckin around. The damage done, after his mania is over, is now what i think we’ll see next, if I’m right.
If not, then he will just be quiet and sleep. Meds kicking in, finally working that he didn’t take seriously before his mothers death until mid December? or what? its been over 6 weeks, now.
He did wish me a happy valentines day almost immediately but it was mumbled and i almost didn’t hear it, so that’s something, right? I just put his coffee mug that says hello handsome up on his smoking desk
before i went to bed in our daughters room. He told me he loved me out of the blue, and we had some small talk about what happened at his sons house.
They had rice and beans, they smoked, he met his best friend, he drank, they smoked, talked about stuff, which was really cool. I guess she’s pregnant, again. And I wish them well. His son is so excited to finally be a father! I wonder if all that talk makes him feel guilt for not being happy about bringing another child into the world and maybe, just maybe… he can take a step back and reflect that the way he is doing things isnt right, if his own grown ass son has more responsibility than he does.
Maybe.
Small talk and baby steps. I know his depression and remorse for the things he’s said to me is coming, next.
the weight of his words is coming full circle. Today I’m going to focus on just being quiet. Let him come to me. He knows what he’s doing isn’t right.
Telling me he’s leaving, its over, blocking me to flirt with others, ignoring me, putting single as his status online. chatting up anyone who gives him attention to escape, while his own family sits downstairs starving for him. Who tf does this but KIDS?
And I’m a grown ass woman. I definitely don’t need that drama. I told him several times he needs to stop doing this to me. Its still single two days later because he “didn’t have time”. it takes two fucking seconds, you just don’t want to be embarrassed online by people who really have no clue wtf is going on with him. Those that do, keep telling him to stop doing this to me. Single, but still sleeping in my bed, locking yourself behind doors, not paying bills or working bare minimum, not contributing…. He knows. And I’m not saying another word about it but i also do not want to continue to be this way. So, in the end, if he doesn’t shape tf up, i will take all our stuff to storage, slowly… buy a rv and gooooooo! like i wanted to.