Then and Now

I may be the same person, I think I’ve grown in a lot of aspects in life but I feel as though my thoughts and heart is still the way it’s always been.

Weak but struggling to be strong. I succeed sometimes and other times I just break down from pretending so much.

Reading through some of my old memories [posts] and it made me smile. Not because I was saying something funny but because the way I wrote, the things I said are extremely relevant and similar to what they are now. Apart from the phase where I hated my family, because I absolutely love them. I guess I never hated them, it was a time in life where I thought that way because I was selfish and too young to understand what these people meant to me. Yeah we all have our ups and downs with loved ones and I have those even now, and I believe those will never go away but overall, I’m a much more positive person in that aspect.

I’d like to say I’m more in control of my emotions towards men but I’m not. However, I am a little more committed now that I was before. I read some of my entries about being with 3 guys at once (not sleeping with him, just doing other stuff) and I almost took pride in that?  

I’d slap my old self if I met her. 

Anywho, I’ve learned to accept my past and I’ve learned to move on from heartbreak rather quickly…it’s almost scary. I guess I am that way because I’ve put myself into any relationship that I’ve been, even though I tried not to do that. I’m a human being, it happened. 

I’m seeing him again. The person that I started this diary off with and I think we’ve been "together" for about a year now, not sure. I feel mature about this, I feel as though if I put my effort into this that I’ll see results. Whatever they are. 

I’m literally the same person in my mind that was 8 years ago and I’m not sure if thats good or bad. 

But I’m happy with whoever I am. That’s what I think is most important, right?