First kiss

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I’ve been extensively and exclusively dating Matt for about a week now and this has been the longest week of my life. I haven’t slept more than 2-3 hours a day, I’ve told him everything about me, he’s discussed everything about him with me and we feel so damn connected with an extremely strong chemistry. How is this possible? To know or not know this is the person I’m going to spend my entire life with. I’m not sure but we’ve openly talked about marriage and kids and life after marriage..

I know it sounds crazy but it makes sense to me in my head, my heart. I was on the phone with him for 6.5 hours today and with no sleep, I’m going to be working a 10 hour shift and weirdly enough, I don’t care I stayed up and I’m not exhausted. A text message shocked me after I got off the phone with him. He told me he’s going to make the decision of being with me or not being with me by the end of today, what’s the rush I asked him..”I can’t go on any further with our infatuation while being in two minds. I’m getting too attached to you and I’m at a point of no return. Slowing down won’t help, because I’m crazy about you and I won’t be able to.” Making a decision doesn’t mean that we are getting married tomorrow or next week or next month; it simply means that based on our values, beliefs, wants & needs, we are going to be entering a serious relationship…one that may lead to marriage more than likely.

I crashed at his house Friday night after he took me out to a nice dinner and a hookah bar afterwards. I slept in the same bed as him but I told him I didn’t want to have sex yet. He respected that and while things may have gotten a little tense between us, we didn’t have sex. Rather, we had our first kiss. I saw him in a whole different light, he was dressed down, joking around, easy and relaxed and I couldn’t help but think if this is how he’s always going to be. He drove me home in the morning, waited for me while I changed real quick and took me to work.

I like him. He’s what every girl wants and I have him. He says the perfect things, does the perfect things and while I may not know the entire truth to what he does is really him or not, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. I will figure this one out over the course of the next few months.

I gotta admit though, I’m happy, I’m cared for and admired by him. Self worth? Yeah, I definitely think he realizes my self worth and treats me that way. We are very similar in our personalities, sense of humor and our inevitable attraction towards each other.

I’m not sure what this all exactly means, whether I’m rushing into yet another thing or is this it? I don’t need to know right now but this is the trial process and if by the end of tonight, we both decide we want to give it  a shot, then it becomes serious. He told his family about me, I told mine about him. His family lives out of town apart from his one sister who lives a few minutes away from him. I will take him to meet my family in the next two weeks. He’s also moving from the city to the suburb close to me because his job is in this area and he has been commuting for 45 minutes each way from his house now to work.

We were laying in bed and he was feeling my hands…”Your hands tell me your story. The outside is soft and scratch less while your palms are a little rough showing the strength and hard work you’ve done all these years.  I like that in you and I like that even after everything you may have gone through, you came out to be an independent, positive woman”

This realization is nothing short of accurate and it amazed me that he noticed that. Sometimes, it is the little things that make your heart beat faster than you ever thought imagine.