Chemo delayed

Dear diary.  Have we reached another turning point in the battle?  Are we worrying for no good reason?  Should we be soundly sleeping at night instead of the 3am tossing and turning?  Obviously only time will tell…but I feel as if ominous storm clouds are gathering on the distant horizon.

Last chemo on 2-29, Kelly’s white blood cell counts were just a tad on the low side….for the first time since she went back on carboplatin last September.  Dr. J went ahead and allowed Kelly to receive her infusion then.  Her regular 21 day cycle was then to be delayed one week since the cancer pavilion was closed on Good Friday, so Kelly was scheduled to get her chemo after 4 weeks instead…and that was supposed to be yesterday.  Her pre-chemo blood work again showed lowered WBC counts…this time significantly lower and too low for her to get her meds since additional chemo would knock her counts down even lower, thus making her too susceptible to any type of infection.

What is going on?  Probably nothing, but we just don’t know.  What we do know is that her form of advanced ovarian cancer is insidious.  We also know she has it in her lymph nodes.  We also know that her last CA 125 count was the best its ever been and that, even though she has to deal with irritating chemo side effects, she’s really been doing remarkably well.

Diary……why is it so easy to write about having faith but so hard to live it?  I’m not talking about going to church on Sunday….although that is important.  Thats also easy.  Its easy to get going, get in the car, and drive to church.  No,  I’m talking about living my faith in those quiet moments, when I’m all alone.  When I question things…when I have trouble accepting what is real.   When my mortal tunnel vision won’t allow me to see the big picture.   I saw one of those signs out in front of a church the other day.  You know the ones I’m talking about?  You know, the one where the pastor puts some "catchy" saying on the sign…..Well, I saw one that kind of made a lot of sense to me when I thought about it.  It said:

"God didn’t promise us smooth sailing, but He did promise a soft landing."  You see, dear diary, bad things do indeed happen to good people.  Life is not easy or without hardship for any of us, we Christians included.  We fall short.  We say things we shouldn’t and don’t say things when we should.  We do things we shouldn’t and don’t always act when we should.  Even though we are imperfect and screw up a lot, we can take comfort in the hope we have in Christ.    We need him.  We can’t do this on our own.  Fortunately, his plan is perfect and we just celebrated the most important of all the Christian holidays….Easter.  Victory over death! 

I said it before, dear diary, and I’ll say it again.  God is going to heal Kelly.  Of that, there is no doubt.  The question is:  will He do it on this side of eternity or the next.  May I be strong in the coming weeks, months, and hopefully years ahead to support and encourage Kelly.   To live, to laugh, and to love Kelly.  May I be strong in the faith….as strong as she is.  She’s incredibly strong…

Ominous storm clouds?  No.  Just a passing spring shower to bring May flowers……………..