Feeling a little better and random thoughts

Dear Diary.  Wow, that last entry was a bummer, wasn’t it?  I guess that’s what diaries are for…to record the bad along with the good.  The fact of the matter is…this is difficult.  I think one of the aspects that I hate about Kelly’s illness is my total lack of control.  Of course, we do control what doctor she goes to…where she receives treatment, and things along those lines.  And, we feel real good about those things.  She is being seen by one of the very best who can consult with other specialists at a world class cancer hospital.  Her oncologist and her associates are on the cutting edge of new developments regarding cancer treatment.  Not only that, but we have become close friends with her oncologist.  Close enough that we traveled with her to spend a long weekend in Chicago with her and her kids back in August and she has invited us to her home for brunch following Kelly’s next chemo treatment.  We are thankful, not only for "Dr. J’s" expertise, but also for her willingness to invest emotionally in a patient and husband who are facing a long and difficult road ahead.  We feel that is a very special relationship and it is one of the good things to come about in this ordeal. 

The lack of control, of course, refers to the future….over which none of us have any control whatsoever.  I just have to relax a little and turn it over to the Man Upstairs.  After all, God is in charge….not me or you.

Hey Diary, I’ve been on vacation.  As a matter of fact, I’m on vacation until next year!

I have to tell you about the night time view from the hot tub.  As you know, diary, we’ve had a bit of winter weather lately.  The screened-in porch overlooking the lake is such an awesome place for the hot tub.  The last few nights, Kelly and I have soaked our weary bones out there and have realized how fortunate we are.  Yes, even with the cancer battle, blah blah blah…..we are really fortunate.  With the leaves off the trees and the ground snow-covered, the hilltops are clearly visible in the glowing moon-lit snow.  The trees atop the hills are ghostly sillouhettes with the stars twinkling through them and above.  We turn out all lights and sit staring on a clear, star-filled, moon lit night and watch Orion slowly rise above the hills directly across the lake from us and we wonder about the mysteries of the night sky and God’s awesome creation.  We are such specks of dust…tiny, miniscule, error prone, selfish, sinful creatures…..and yet, in all the vastness of creation, we are here.  And we are loved.  And we have been given so much. 

Christmas is 6 days away………..You do realize, do you not, that there is no dispute that a man named Jesus walked the earth?  Historians agree that Jesus was born in Bethlehem.  Historians say there really was a man who claimed to be the Son of the Living God and that there is no historical reason to doubt that he was crucified.  After all, thats what they did to criminals and those viewed by the religious leaders as a threat.

Since educated and knowledgable historians tell us that they do not doubt that he lived and was crucified….we are left with two choices to make regarding his life and death (that is, if someone has taken the time to inform us of "the good news").  One choice is to believe that he was a liar.  The other choice is to believe He was exactly who He said He was.    Which do you believe, diary?  Or, have you not heard the good news?