Words with meaning

Excert from an email from him:
Walking Away
I don’t want to leave
I want her to come with me
A surreal day, but things will be back to normal tomorrow
I want to email her to let her know that I appreciated her time and that it was special

My Toast
Cheers to a beautiful girl on a beautiful day

In General
I want you to take care of me, honestly
I want you to do all of the things she does for people when she loves them for me and me only
I want you to treat me like a King
I want you to support me
I want to allow you to do all of that.  And I want to be comfortable when you do stuff like that for me.  I want to become comfortable with you doing for me because I wasn’t before, and what I realize is that if I don’t become comfortable asking you to do for me, then I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable or depend on you.  I keep a wall up.  I want you to break through my wall, teach me to depend on you, to be vulnerable with you, and I want you to break it down with love.
I want you to be a part of my life, not just in my life
And I’m asking you to, which is a first step for me because it’s makes me vulnerable because you can always say no
I want to provide for you
I want to take care of business so that you can feel free to pursue whatever dreams come your way
I want to know you, what you need, and have the chance to give it to you
I want to be your king who you do anything for.  I want you to define being a queen so I can treat you as such.
I want you to sharpen me as a man (spiritually, emotionally, etc.).  

My favorite part: "I want you to define being a queen so I can treat you as such."

My Email Response:
Why it is so easy to love you?
I was thinking how many others girls must still love you? There is something about you, that I am certain I am not the only one that feels or can see that.  From what I have noticed with you, is that you don’t really “end” things with girls, instead they are your “friend” why is that? And How is that? Are there a lot of girls that are in the situation where they want to be with you and call you all the time and tell you that? 
 
To be honest that has always been something that made me feel slightly inadequate. It made me feel like I was never enough, and that “one” would never be enough for you. I always wanted to share my everything with you, open myself completely to you share my worries, my flaws, my insecurities, the things I hide about me from the world only to share it with someone I could trust and that would love me despite my flaws.  It just seems like you share so many relations with other girls…what makes me different? What is it that you want with me? And if you did have me, would I be first or would you always have girls girls girls (haha).  
 
I would like to try, but I am in so deep Im drowning. I don’t know if I was clear to you about this, but we live together…so that makes things a lot more difficult.  When I got here I was having reluctant thoughts about moving, nothing was going right, I should have done something then, but I didn’t.  I just feel like so many people have things set in their minds about how things should be between him and I and I don’t want to disappoint or have anyone second guess me or what have you.  I should have listened to my mother, but its too late now.  She is not happy with us living together, and keeps saying that we need to get married if that is what we are going to do.  (I AM IN NO RUSH TO GET MARRIED) Then on the other side which I have always known since day one… I cant move on until I find out what it is between us.
 
Its hard for me because the last thing I want to do is hurt him and be selfish. Its wrong of me to lie to him everyday. Its wrong for me to continue this when I am having mixed feelings.  Its wrong in so many ways for him. But its right for me.  I just have a hard time doing things for me, especially when I know how bad I would hurt him.  
 
Then I tell myself if things are meant to be, they are going to happen.  I shouldn’t have to lie, and sneak around. If it is God’s will then it will be done.  Im torn because I have always felt that you were the one for me, my sole mate if you will, but after so much of trying and getting no where I walked away, because I figured the feeling wasn’t mutual.  That you being in California, you would meet someone and forget about me.  So I moved on to a relationship that works, that felt right, that gave me what I was looking for, but I didn’t get the same butterflies.  But everything was great. So that has always left me pretty confused.  How can I have it all, but not give my all?  Right now things are so monotonous, I need spontaneity, he tries but its just not the same.
 
I just don’t understand how he can be so happy with me, and how I can be one for him, but have been having second thoughts if he is indeed the one for me. And everyday I get deeper and deeper. I cant even come and go as I please.
 
I want to know and to experience things with you again, but I don’t know how I could do that. I would have to break up, move out, move etc…or I would have to lie. And lies are not good, they only come back to get you in the end. I just wish I knew how to handle this situation. You aren’t certain of this either, you and I have a very alluring draw to one another. I have always felt passion in the things we have done, even in our conversations…what I miss the most is falling asleep on top of you…I used to love laying on top of you and your chest, It felt so endearing.  It was a place I never wanted to leave. 
 
You created love in me that was so strong, and the crazy thing is that you weren’t even trying.  That is why I “think” you and I would have a relationship that would last forever.  If I was able to feel and care that deeply without receiving in return, shows that I can be selfless, and think about someone else and their well-being before my own.  Hmm and that goes with a quote I have always read, but never really thought about and understood until now.  “Love is when you love someone more than you love yourself” I didn’t think that was possible.  I always put you in front of my heart and my mind.  I wanted to make you happy because you happy, is what in turn made me happy.  When you asked and needed things of me, in most cases it wasn’t easy but I tried my best because that was what you wanted.  
 
Love is patience, love is kind, love doesn’t envy, love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil, doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. If we based a relationship on God I know that everything would work out.  Hmmm (I don’t know where all that just came from…Im just typing)
 
Now if only I had the answer to my current situation. Im just hearing, “everything is going to work out according to his will” so I am going to trust that. And take each day as it comes…or try to anyway since I tend to analyze everything.