Dear Diary part 2 (just another random)

Today is my b/d.  Am now 49 and wrapping my head around that I am nearly 50. Dont expect gifts or anything like that from anyone.  Over time have sort of expected nothing and considering I have now become a huge loner and live in a new place where I only really know two people and neither know it is or I will assume they dont.  One being a b/f /friend and what ever we have does my head in a lot.  In time I will write this down what it has caused all this.  I was single for 5 years prior to meeting him and to be fair, I enjoyed it.  I didnt intimate with anyone and it was good for my soul.  Im stuck in a situation where I live in a barding house.  Have no job (am having interviews though) and feel quite suffocated.  Am a bit anti social in a way, as have been getting alot of anxiety around people.  Am not an easy person to get.

Today I feel ok considering I have been.  Will make the most of this as there are times I dont get them.  In time that will be written about on the day.   Sometimes get the in-depth feeling that things are not going to change much for me.  I had a place I rented for over 8 years, did gardening and had a job etc, started gong not the best when landlord decided to sell house and things just went cookoo from there.

Am gong to go to a cafe for lunch by myself while a read a book.   Use to do this prior, but because I have no work, budget is tight , but it being my birthday, it is something for myself.  Have a job interview I need to do today online.  Kinda nervous as prefer them in person and this format of  interview is new to me.

Today is a good day so far and plan to try and keep it that way.