Sleep with me tonight

Deep with me tonight 🎵🎶

I moved all of my work stuff into our office. I need the separation. I was originally in the office, then moved to the living room so I could be in the middle of everything. Now that I lay it out that way, it doesn’t sound like a good idea at all. However, that’s what I did. It’s in the past. The company issued us laptops, dual monitors, etc (basically the whole set up we have at the office) since we’re going to be at home through second quarter. I got it all set up this week, and it’s been so heavenly being able to say okay at this time I’m logging off, and that’s it, the rest stays in this room until tomorrow. I can finally compartmentalize.

Now that I’m back in the office it’s been the next focus for the great purge. We made some pretty good headway on it. We went through the closet and shredded old documents. We did not make it all the way through the bookcases. I decided to go through my books again. There are quite a few I can’t bear to part with, but there are at least some I don’t mind passing on.

I wish I could get more sleep. I can’t turn my brain off. It turns and turns until I just can’t muster the energy to pay it any more mind. Maybe I shouldn’t say “can’t” I should probably say something more like I haven’t figured out how to do it yet. I’m so tired. I could wrap myself in something warm and sleep for a week, I suspect.

Tomorrow is my birthday. It’s funny how insignificant birthdays seem as you get older. It’s finally dawned on me that time is a mystery I will just never solve. I mean, what even is age? I’ll be 38. I don’t feel like I’m 38, but then what should 38 feel like anyway? I guess some preconceived notion I concocted as a dumbass teenager? I remember my mom in her mid to late 30’s. I really thought she had it all together. Now I’m here, and I realize I’m never going to know what the fuck I’m doing. There’s no line I’m going to cross one day, where I can say “Okay, I’m an adult now, and I know enough of the things to not feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.” Maybe that’s just me and a lack of confidence in my adulthood, but I feel like the older I get, it’s not wisdom I’m gaining, but rather a broader scope of just how much there is to know about life, the world, that I simply don’t. And then one day I’ll be gone with nothing left to know. Morbid and melodramatic but there it is.

I don’t mean it to sound as gloomy as it may have. It’s just an observation, I’ve no deep emotion for it, and it’s just one of many that flutter about in my head when I’d much rather be fucking sleeping.