I don’t WANNA GROW UP!

I am so over being the responsible one. For once, I wanna be reckless, dangerous, and have someone walking behind me with a pooper scopper and a ziploc baggie cleaning up after me.

My birthday was Saturday. I wasn’t really in the mood to celebrate, and the only thing I could pinpoint my lack of celebration to was that I was now the age Kerri, my sister, was when she died. 24. God, who knows how much longer we all have left? It made me depressed. But, went to dinner with my mom anyway. I feel bad- she doesnt have the money my dad has. So, when the bill came, and it was 170 for six of us, I had to offer money. Yes, I paid for my own birthday dinner, but only so my mom had money this week for bills and food of her own.

Anywho- before the dinner fiesco, I was texting Mikey, who was working, and seeing when he would be done working. He texted me back, and whatnot.. then he texts me, "Don’t forget the rent check." I reply: "Already turned it in." To which he replies, "Matt already had Leann write a check for his portion of the rent." This meant my check was written for too much money. I freaked out- called the desk, got there, told the girl at the desk my dilemma. She wrote a note, and I wrote a new check. Supposedly, the old check would be voided.

So, you can imagine my surprise when I checked my account online to see that the wrong check had gone threw, and I was overdrawn by 161 bucks.. Oh, it gets better. I e-mail my dad to lend me 200 bucks so I can fix it in the morning… checked it in the morning, and was now ANOTHER 120 over drawn- insufficient fund fees. I flipped out. I started crying, and freaking out. I went to talk to the finance person at the office of the complex- she said BOTH checks were going to go through- meaning I would be over 1100 dollars OVERDRAWN.

When I got back to the apartment, i was on the verge of hyperventilating, and I cracked. I told all the roommates, "I am done playing mommy. From now on, we will not depend on there being enough money in my account to cover rent and bills and everything until you guys have the money. Everyone, from now on, writes their own checks. Everyone here needs to GROW UP." After I tried to put on makeup to cover my tear stained cheeks, I went to work, and tried to play the chipper girl I always am…

It makes me sad sometimes. If I am not being goofy, laughing, joking, and smiling, then everyone thinks something is wrong with me. Sometimes, I need a break from the acting, and I need to just cry. I have wanted to just "cry" every day now since my birthday. Something is wrong with me, but I don’t know what. I’m just sad… for no reason whatsoever. I dunno. Maybe it is growing up, or maybe it’s just where my life is right now. I have no clue. I’ll figure it out. I just wish I was happy.

To make a long story short: I figured out the bank thing, the guy at the bank was MORE than helpful, and things are good for now. But, it still makes me angry that every depends on me to take care of the bills and stuff. I just don’t wanna be an adult anymore. I wanna be a kid, someone take care of ME for once, ya know?

Mike Minor’s last day is next Thursday. Though I am sad, it will force me to become a sexy bitch a lot quicker, so when Mike visits over the summer, I can be like, "Hey, looked what you missed out on." 

I apologize for this update sucking.. I finally caught the FLU- and it sucks, because in order to fix the whole bank thing, I have to work through the illness so I can make money… grrr to life.

You all know I will be back to my goofy, laughing, smiling, chipper self in no time… so, don’t fret. I’ll catch up with you all later.