I wanna smoke

It’s all that consumes my thoughts, and it makes me way too crabby to even type. I just want one… now… it’s been two and a half days, and I didn’t realize how much this addiction sucks. Mike and Matt are still smoking… all my friends are still smoking, but my lungs can’t take it… so I don’t… GRR… just a drag, just a puff… it’s all I want… someone help me… please….
I can’t do gum because of TMJ, the patch costs too much money, which I don’t have…. I just wanna smoke. I may break down and have one… but, then I kick myself and say, “Look, you’ve made it this far… keep going.” Just 11 more hours, and it’ll be three days… 72 hours… I can do it, but I want just ONE.
My mom brought up a good point… “That had to be Kerri’s last thought.” I told her that I never even had one good “goodbye” smoke. Kerri must’ve thought the same thing about cocaine- never had one last good high. That makes me not want to do it.. but then I think, “I am never going to do this again, I just want one more, and I want to quit when I want to, not when someone else thinks it convenient.”
So many things I keep thinking… and it’s a constant battle… but, I’m going to break down. I will give myself until tomorrow, if I last that long. Otherwise, my alternative to smoking is chocolate- so, dress size 20, here I come… I’m eating myself into a non-smoking coma. Someone… help…