Need Tips for Hacking Reality

It’s so bad: the restlessness, the dissatisfaction, this stupid fucking consciousness, all the same. It trickles down from the highest line of thought and WRECKS EVERYTHING. Sometimes now, all my resources go to damage control, and I just… don’t work. I get strange urges, like wanting to throw myself into a wall, like I can jar myself out of it.

I thought enough to understand it, and I think that the root of the problem is clearly existence.

I cannot exist without being bothered by existence existing. A lot of thought went into this, and it’s the best nutshell summary I have for recording.

I long for nonexistence, which is not necessarily a solution, but it does remove the problem (it removes all problems obviously), but there’s no guarantee for achieving nonexistence.

Treating the symptoms becomes harder with every swell, but I don’t worry. It won’t destroy me, it can’t. Not physically possible.

I long for escape, and I long for peace, and I know throwing myself into walls won’t help, but I also know that knowing throwing myself into walls won’t help IS the problem. But I don’t long for ignorance, because that’s impossible.

Everything is pointless, and I fucking resent it.

But maybe tomorrow…