How does that make you feel

Oh, an entry. I will read this momentarily. Firstly: re: I wrote that paragraph about what I was doing wrong with the hope that, having articulated it fully, I will have the strength and awareness to recognize that tendency in the future and put a cap on it.

Wow. “… trying to ignore few enough of my needs so I still feel human, but still putting up with the pain of things I feel are unnecessary.” How perfectly articulated. Do you have a flair for fiction? I think you could do well with that. Though I wouldn’t waste my money on schooling for it or anything, it was just a suggestion that was circling in my brain and demanded to be free. Also,

the Taco Bell girl was a flake from the beginning. You knew it. We knew it. So yeah, you’re right about our expectations for an anticlimax. You knew that. Just felt it was worth mentioning, to lead into my next statement: There are intelligent, worthwhile women out there. That’s not just a silly idealized notion. They’re worth a little time and digging, I think. (Can’t know for sure, really.)

I think–and maybe you’ve already been on this–if you make an attempt to surround yourself with people whose conversation is meaningful and entertaining, relationships fall into place. Sometimes slowly, sometimes rapidly. But in the meantime, at least you’re not bored with too much time on your hands to think about how miserable you really are.

re: How are you worth the trouble? It’s your intense, serial killer eyes. I’m a sucker for ’em.

re: Then I’d say getting back into school is definitely a good idea for you, assuming you’re not completely incapable of making friends. Stimulating your brain will help cure some of the listlessness and there are a lot of people. A lot. Surely one or two of them will be worth your time.

smug nailed it, hands down. i admit i was delighted with the, “what a waste of time” bit because, well. i’m evil like that. ryn: i looked up your french confection and was not all that impressed. i mean, she’s cute enough sure. but not enough to sway me from miss jolie. of course, you’re talking to a girl who doesn’t think adriana lima is anything amazing either.

oh also. regarding the plastic surgeon idea. would your favourites get discounts? because if so i’m all for that plan. …..*grin*

I was honestly surprised that you gave Taco Bell girl a chance in the first place. She sounded very immature to me… and I’m not sure how things progressed to the level they did. Either way, it made things more interesting for a while. And you’ve moved on, so whatever. Every time I read you, I think of my cousin who lives there. Do you ever g to the Monte Carlo? She works there apparently.

RYNS: That entry was written with a few people in mind… all of whom read it, and NONE of them did what I asked them to, so I call BULLSHIT. And now if any of them does call me on “not reciprocating” in the future, I can refer them to that entry which will now be called my “disclaimer”. I simply can’t keep up with everyone here. There is no way. Some people can deal with that, others can’t.

me too. aaand, me too. aaand, me too. profound response to your thoughts, eh? xx

i will say that i am pleased with your response to the taco bell girl. as for everything else…..the whole “life plan” thing reminds me of last year when i was trying to decide on a major, and i decided to go the pharmacy route for three days before i remembered that i hate science. good luck with deciding. as for the hecticness of my last three weeks, i’m not going to say that it’s fun

to find out that your mom might have cancer, and then she definitely does and it will probably kill her, to have to sit by her through a horrendous surgery, and then to find out she is healed all in three weeks, but we survived it, so i can’t complain. and like you said, you reading those entries wouldn’t have changed anyway, but i missed you anyway. you hit the nail on the head with this entry.

My boyfriend and I broke up after two years. It’s pretty ridiculous why. We just didn’t work anymore. He doesn’t need me, and I’m tired of waiting for him to need me. So… that’s what the entry was about. I could talk more, and I’ll probably leave an entry about it sometime soon. Just didn’t feel like talking that particular day. Don’t really feel like talking now, but it helps just a bit…

I think “The Taco Bell Girl” is a fitting name for her.

ryn; i used to read her years ago and then i disappeared or she disappeared and i saw that she had noted you and remembered her name. so i don’t know that i would call that “busted” or “stealing”. all the same though, i don’t remember enough about her to make a case for actually being added so i’ve not made any steps to do so. the mass delete wasn’t much of a delete in the history of deletes.

I always believed in the notion of people getting girlfriends if they’re not looking, but then again I’ve been FIERCELY not looking since a very young age and succeeding in not finding.

ryn; well sure, but it still transcends logic. xx

There are worse things to chalk one’s aliveness up to. 🙂 RYN: Thanks. 😛 I’m an inveterate meter-adherer, actually. I’ve tried to write free verse before and it always turns into iambic pentameter. I think I was bitten in my childhood by a radioactive sonnet.

:)? Yes, I thought so. And I’m hysterical, dude. I’m the funniest of funny.

RYN: I don’t do anything I don’t want to. That explains my absentee record in class.

Jesus. You choose THIS month to ask me career direction?

I guess I could read more. I don’t have a TV.

Conversations are like sex: fucking hard when you’re forbidden fucking alcohol.

Nah, mate I’m in the library. I come here when my entire world of flat/pub gets a bit incestuous, which is every couple of days. Or every day right now.

I know it’s desperately pathetic, but it is free.

not a bad idea… I never went in the library when I was living rough, I think they’re on the lookout for you. Hah. Every guy on OD is a geeky looking black haired skinny fucker. Do we gravitate to this place or summat?

heh, everyone with a y chromosome on here is clearly far too in touch with their feminine side anyway. You know how many girls I have to sleep with to convince people anyone who’s disinterested in football isn’t gay? This is without people knowing I keep a bloody diary.

Katie is awesome. This often means following her in notes is a difficult feat and/or redundant. And if I turned this realization into the action of attempting to note before she does, our mutual favorites would get a lot fewer “Yeah, what she said” notes. But, as it stands, I take my chances and note when I’m good and ready. Or finally on here and noting. Either/or. (cont.)

So, what provoked the serious consideration of plastic surgeon? And what else is in contention? If you don’t mind my flood of inquiry. I hope you find some realm of satisfaction soon. Experience here means I’d typically go with the fact that a shift in perspective is merely all that’s needed. But you’re hardcore analytical enough, it seems something a bit more proactive would be in order. (cont.)

But saying something like “join a club” is not only lame – because who really want’s to do that? – but Katie’s suggestion was better anyway. See? Redundant. And all over the place.

Hey. I don’t necessarily hate reality TV. OK I guess I kinda do. But my favorite show of the new season was ROLLERGIRLS on A&E, but that was more in the vein of docu-TV. No one got kicked off, no one won any money. It was just the most lovable bad girls in the world battling out their personal demons on the track. Good stuff. I was always a huge fan of the original Office and…

… set out to boycott the American remake, but in the last six episodes or so, I’ve found it funny and the characters finding their own voice and not just imitating the originals in what seemed like a bad theatre reading. And seriously, what’s better than Arrested Development? Thanks for the note!

RYN: Told you I was funny. I guess I forgot to mention that I like defacing waterhouse paintings.

ha. is that a challenge?

I would like to thank you for your comment of my diary entry. Vegas is close to my home, thought that was interesting. A high compliment from you “That was intelligently written”. Very lovley indeed. I shall wrap this up, for notes are nothing of a coversation, thank you for your comment and i would love to hear more of your opinions.

oh. well that’s disappointing. my hair is rather blah. i was going to post a pic, since you requested it, but the teal turned out a lot darker than we had planned so it kind of blends in with the black. ohwell. the bottom is kinda purple since my crazy red refuses to be covered. so it’s just boring right now. ohwell. anything fun going on with you?

RYN: You SUCK. I am posting a lot more “emo” photos at some point. I hate most pictures of myself, and playing around with light makes me feel a little better. Not sure why. The shape of my face is awful… or at least in my opinion.

re: That’s a tough question to answer. I’m assuming, since you posed the question on a picture entry that had no relevant content, you’re speaking of facial expressions. I’m extremely expressive, I think. If I make an effort, I can keep the world out of my head, but usually my emotions are written right across my face. And eyes. I play up the expressions a lot, to get a laugh.

… Just an extra little quirk of the eyebrows to add sarcasm where it didn’t previously exist, etc. When I’m sad, it’s all too obvious. When I’m happy, even more so. Verbally, I generally only express to the flesh-and-blood what I think they want to hear. It makes life easier. If I want to say what I really think, I post an entry.

^She rocks at the expressiveness of all kinds. Basically she is awesome and wonderful and should be adored the world over. I’m objectively biased.

You noted as I signed on. Why are you up this horribly early?

Whateva…. BITCH.

RYN: you are of course correct in a way. Words are to express meaning.I guess I dont like it much when it is used to express the thought “Go F*** yourself” because I am doing my job protecting someone else.Also, if you want someone to help you,it is not a good idea to begin by being offensive even if you then intend to lie so as to enable you to break the law.I dont get paid to be sworn at.

Acually, you note really bugged me, which, I presume was your intention. It bugged me enough that I deleted it. So, bullseye. You got me enough to make me think. I still dont think it is a good thing to use bad language but some folks dont even hear themselves because it is second nature. I was offended as I dont hear that kind of thing often. I guess I need to get a thicker skin.

HAHAHHA… Smartass. I am flying across the country to bite your arm for that one.

ryn// hardly prodigy, first year university. ahm…. no, yeah, that pretty much covers it. you can go for a bachelor in law: we go straight from high school. In first year law they accept 600 students (at my uni) and then brutally smash it down to three hundred at the end of the year. and yowza, but you do have a lot of notes.

ryn: hahah i’mm too drunk to understand any of those links. why arent you onliiiiiine.

this picture: http://www.usemycomputer.com/indeximages/2006/April/9219277d9380b6fa0d97696d5ae1f377.jpeg totally makes her 400 times hotter then whatever skank you just sent me links to.

HAHAH that’s how you know i am drunk. i mean THIS picture. http://www.skinz.org/celebrity/angelina-jolie/angelina-jolie-wallpapers-6.jpg

ryn: Thanks for your notes. ^_^ I’m using Microsoft’s Windows Defender Beta 2 and it works really well…I used to use the two programs you mentioned by Spybot S&D refuses to run on my computer without freezing EVERY time I try and repair stuff, and Ad-aware didn’t like me either, so I got Microsoft’s Antispyware and it generally works great. Thanks for the advice, though. ^_^

Oh, and personally I’d get bored as crap playing something like FFXI that has no end…all you do is run around killing things…and killing things…and killing things. If I want some senseless violence I’ll play Halo; at least then I have a chance at beating the game. His roommate has the PC version of FFXI and is on it constantly. And I’m not joking. At the moment he’s got FFXI running on…

…his computer and he’s playing FFII on his Nintendo, which is hooked up to one port on the tv, and oftentimes he’ll play Halo 2 and FFXI at the same time. I don’t know how he does it. It would drive me crazy. He also never, EVER does any homework whatsoever. I don’t know how he hasn’t failed out of school yet. ^_^

ryn: Oh, I’m sure you did. And my computer is just about two years old, but other than the Spybot thing it runs beautifully. I’ve heard about a lot of people having trouble with Spybot freezing or what have you, but I just don’t worry about it. I tried playing Guild Wars and that amused me for about the half-hour it took to perfect my character and run around a bit. I don’t really see the point.

ryn: damn you and your inferior time zone! i’d have to be up at 6am to actually catch you online. le sigh.

so, i’ve ditched angelina. my new love, and no doubt you’ll mock me for it, is keira. i don’t want to jump her as i would angelina though. i just want to look exactly like her. i’ll take the smaller tits and everything. http://usemycomputer.com/indeximages/2004/August/th-KeiraKnightley-OpheliaWynnePhotoshoot200412.jpg

Re: Wal-Mart. I have no problem with it, really. I mean, if given the choice, I prefer Target. But I regularly shop at Wal-Mart and it’s not like it’s “against my principles” or anything. Luke is the one with Wal-Mart issues. Thus the elaborate mentions. And, if I’m honest with myself, it’s in part to taunt him. Plus, I live across the street from one, so I’m there fairly often. (cont.)

And I’m not hiatus-ing on your questions from “forever” ago. Though saying I’ll get to them soon may not be of great comfort. But I will. So… yeah.

I don’t take your demands seriously. At least when they’re obviously in a tone that is not serious. (Okay, I say obvious, but I get the impression most people don’t pick up on it.) But, I still fully intend (and did then, as well) to answer in the near future. So… there. Okay, I have to go pick up some dinner before inedible things start appearing edible.

Well, actually I’m waiting for an order to be called in. So… And use ’em for a conversation to your heart’s content. Just talk it up in my notes. See if I care. Because I don’t. I’m clearly rambling.

Thanks for coming back to talk to me. It makes me feel like I’m more than just a facilitator of conversation. And your clarification made me a bit uncomfortable, too. And then it reminded me of Kenneth Branagh in How to Kill Your Neighbor’s Dog, so it sort of balances out.

once again, damn you and your inferior time zone and your never onlineness

Ok Taco Bell girl- waste of time/diva/and ultimatley- bitch. I dont think its your standards being too high, or any fault of you- i think its just trial and error tipping to far to the error side of things. The question is- do you just want sex- or a girlfriend? I think most of the time where guys screw up is they dont know how much they want out of a girl. if you want a girlfriend- dont ever

lower your standards because..ok i dont know you but you seem like a guy that would be soo much fun and soo funny and witty etc and you could get any girl you want if you have confidence BUT if you just want sex then do standards REALLY matter? anyway im going on about nothing and wasting your time so byebye, have a good day/night love xx