What else is new
I got fired today from the new restaurant. I thought I was about 10 minutes early, and got there to discover I was 20 minutes late. There’s more details involving a bitchy manager that didn’t like me from the start (for no reason), but they’re not all that important.
That puts me in a tight spot as far as moving is concerned. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Get another server position for a month or two, I guess.
I’m pretty unhappy about it.
I don’t really feel like talking about it more.
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Existence baffles me. I spend a lot of time forgetting that it does. My need to justify things and operate on logic backfires when I look at things from the wrong perspectives. I don’t see how anyone deals with it. I don’t see how I’m dealing with it. I’m still alive, so I guess I have so far. Except for this one time.
Also on my mind is my loneliness that doesn’t exist. I don’t think I’m doing so hot of a job convincing myself anymore. There’s certainly not a short-term solution for that, and long-term seems even less plausible. My standards of measurement are so high now that anyone who met them would be too good for me.
I’ve become more and more antisocial. I prefer it. I go out under feelings of obligation only now. If I had known what I was obligating myself to, maybe I would’ve never started caring in the first place. Life needs more warning labels and license agreements. Not that it would help, 95% of people don’t read them 99% of the time already.
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I feel tired. Not physically, mentally, or emotionally, but the kind of tired maybe someone on their deathbed feels. Old, maybe. Worn out. I just want peace, and rest.
And something other than existence.
My standards of measurement are so high now that anyone who met them would be too good for me. Love this sentence.
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i don’t know either. ever feel like you are waiting for your real life to start? sometimes i think this one is a joke….and not a very good one at that. take care.
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I am so sorry about the getting fired thing. That is such a horrid feeling. Been there and done that. Hope you feel better soon honey
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I’m with Smug. And I didn’t know you used to write. But, yes, it does seem to fit. Also, thank you very much for the compliment. It’s appreciated. And I don’t smoke. I live with a smoker. Who called me up while I was out and asked me to pick cigarettes up.
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i just feel like i should say that anti-social people are hot. i should know, i am one. ryn: the hospital adventure was grand fun. we never did make it back to try the second buildng. care to come along for that one? 😉
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Well, it wasn’t unsolicited advice time. But anyway, I don’t happen to like long hair. Regardless, it’s already in the process of growing out for Luke.
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I didn’t really care that your advice was unsolicited. I was kidding but I read back over that and realized there was nothing in the note to indicate such. So I’m letting you know. I was just messing around.
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My standards of measurement are so high now that anyone who met them would be too good for me. i thought that this sentence was fantasic as well
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ryn: when i leave i’ll say goodbye. stop being so damn self-deprecating. people and letters are interchangable.
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I’m also with Smug – a beautifully written entry, despite its melancholy. I’m sorry that you’ve been fired, and that you feel old – take something up. A new hobby. Crochet, or something. RYN: You’re absolutely right about Roubel, and I was a complete tool to even imagine anything more than nothing between us. I’m pretty sure I’ve learnt my lesson now. x
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ryn: *grin* i do have an accent. it’s not a canadian one, thank god. newfoundlander’s have our own accent. mine is mostly british with a lot of irish thrown in when i am excited/angry. 😉
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RYN: “Swoop?” I guess I should know what that means, being a girl and all. 😉 And yes my boyfriend is hot… I don’t think my girlfriends would make out with me. Sad huh? 😉
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Oh and RYN again: Yes, my glasses are prescription.
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RYN: I don’t know any details about the letters or what they said. The only reason I can think that he did this is because he has been horribly depressed. And it was his sister that blew me off in Las Vegas, not him. I don’t even have his phone number, so I didn’t know how to reach him while I was there. It’s just a huge mess.
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RYN: I’m aware that my bug-fear is completely irrational, and that therefore it is pointless and unnecessary, but like many other people out there… that means jack when there’s a spider on my foot. Bats. I like bats. I wouldn’t like one in my living room, but seeing them at night is pretty funky. We get a lot of them here, too. xxx
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The last section of your entry really hit home. I know how it feels to just be tired. And no, things haven’t gotten better, and as far as I know I didn’t do anything for my family to ignore me. It’s just the way they are. Actually… My mom got plastic surgery. Not my sister. That makes it so much worse, doesn’t it? A 50 year old woman getting her boobs done, and getting lipo. Destiny…
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