Cash in your death ticket

Ever since my dad died I havent had a chance to stop and think. I have been able to say this happened,..my dad is dead. But I think it, but I dont feel it. If I ever let my self feel his death I could go on.

Loosing a parent is like loosing a wing.

I was wondering today, when will I be in the exact middle of my life? Every moment after that will bring me a little closer to death.

You know when you die, thats not just the end of it.

Some one is going to be hurting terribly.

Then what about your body?

The mortician will lay your body out on a table and drain all of the blood from your body.

All your life force drained out and gone.

They’ll see your birth mark, stretch marks, abuse marks and wonder what kind of life did you live?

Did you live?

Or were you always dead?

Did you wake up when you died?

Wake up to the next life? Reality?

I feel this way.

I guess there is no shame in thinking these thoughts.. feeling this way.

Feeling sad.

Missing my Daddy.

Dam him.

I hated him some times. Then other times we were all goofy and happy. I think about those times.

I think

I feel

there fore I am.

I found this quote on ~just jenni~ ‘s diary.

I liked it.

This could be my motto

“Here’s to you and here’s to me,

and I hope we never disagree.

But, if that should ever be,

to HELL with you, here’s to ME!”

Silly isnt it.

God you think you have problems, some one always has it worse. Even worse. No comfort in that thought really.

Not really.

Why did we leave the Bronx.

Why.

🙁

I want my family back.