Still here

Yeah.  I’m still here…  Just, kinda stuck in my head or what not.  So don’t take it personally if I’m not writing much or noting as much.  I am reading, but I’m having a harder time thinking of things to say or feeling like I should or what not.

Pretty sure I’ve got a good bit of "the depression" at the moment (you know, like "the flu") It’s different than it was in my early teens.  More numb perhaps?  Again, it’s the few people that I know I would make sad that keep me from actually wishing I were dead.  Don’t get the wrong idea, I can’t fathom ever trying to kill myself.  In the aforementioned time it was "Wish I’d never been born".  Dunno, guess I’ve accepted that I’ve had enough presence now for…  Well, really just why bother with that sort of thought?  

I’m not breaking down and crying much at all like I did all the time back then.  I keep going and life is ok.  It’s just…  A lot of the time it’s quite dark and I really kinda feel like I might just be ready for life to be done with.  Yeah, I suppose that’s sad, and I’m completely open to happier times ahead, but at the moment…  It just seems hard to find them…

Bah, enough of that shit.  Time to see if I can’t pick up the mood  a bit.