Time to change.

The garden looks empty with all the leaves missing from our trees. It’s been frosty the last week or two, but the weather seems to have taken a damp turn today. I do miss the white, fresh feeling of frost and snow. It always makes me feel like the world has been wiped clean, ready to start anew. Filling my lungs with sharp, icy air makes me feel alive. We don’t get so much cold weather this far west and it’s one of the things I miss most following the move back to my home town. But, frosty morning walks have been my saviour this week.

My first week back at work with a new lockdown has been difficult, but I’m finding new ways to cope. I spoke to the mental health nurse on 29th. She didn’t really help me much at all.. basically told me to phone a number for over the phone counselling. I came off the phone feeling more demoralised than uplifted. It took a lot for me to ask for help, but I know I’m not a priority case and the NHS is overwhelmed. I’ll continue to muddle on.

I’m 3/4 of my way through a bottle of wine tonight. J and I ordered a takeaway from one of our favourite restaurants as we were sick of cooking. I don’t usually drink on a Sunday, but nothing about life is normal just now and I needed it. Plus, the wine is just too easy to drink.

We’ve been talking a lot about starting a family and I know we’re both ready to start that journey. I feel like something has changed in me over the last year. I’ve had a lot of time think about what I want from life and for the first time in what seems like forever I’m excited about the future. Who knows that will happen, but I can’t wait to add someone else to our little tribe.