Letter 7: to my ex

Dear Nathan,

Whats wrong NayNay? Scared of me now that you can’t push me around? Can’t shut me up? Want me to tell you how I feel about that? FUCK YOU. Oh hate it when girls curse do you? It’s unlady like, right? Go to FUCKING HELL YOU BASTARD.

How dare you… No. How FUCKING dare you. You’re a foot taller than me, and yes, physical stronger you weak ass man. “You bruise easily” I wouldn’t bruise easily if you didn’t fuck touch me you asshole. I know you still “check up” on me. We noticed that you liked and unliked my husband’s super old tweet a couple months ago. And you know what, he’s everything you’re not.

He’s strong and compassionate. He believes in me, and encourages me, and wants me to be the best person I can be. He wants me to be strong and beautiful. He would never tell me what to wear or how to speak or give me weight goals. He loves me unconditionally. He won’t throw a fit if I make more money than him or cry if I beat him at bowling (which I never will because he rocks at it) or break a controller if I beat him at a videogame. He’ll never tell me not to spend money on clothes or not to wear makeup.

He’s a real man. And he loves being married to a real strong, independent woman.

After we broke up you stalked me, and almost hit me with your car. And after that you spread lies about me, lies that I cheated, and whatever the hell else you said that I forgot now. And I still let you talk to me, and after you told me you’d change, and after telling me how you now realize what a precious gem (I think you called me) I am, you asked me to give you the one reason we broke up. There were many. I didn’t notice the abuse at the time believe it or not. I didn’t notice the abuse until I started dating my husband and I realized what you had done to me. But you said something, you said if you could get away with murder you would kill that couple who cut you off. And at that moment, I realized you were a hateful person. Now, I realize it meant you might’ve killed me one day. You probably planned it, maybe you still are, who knows?

So thank you NayNay (I know, I know, you hate it when I call you that), for showing me my worth. For making me realize how strong I am. Because of you, I will never let another human being treat me badly.

I didn’t even touch on the emotional abuse you sick fuck, I swear that was so much worse than the physical abuse. But you didn’t tear me down, you didn’t have a longing effect on me, in fact knowing you made me stronger.

So here’s my hope for you. It’s been what, 8 years since I’ve seen you… I hope you’ve gotten help. If you haven’t, get help. You don’t need to be in your late twenties spreading rumors about some girl you dated for a year when you were 20. Find yourself, and don’t let it be at the expense of anyone else. And maybe, just… don’t date anyone. I don’t hope you hurt. I don’t hope anyone hurts. I hope you grow. And I hope I never see you again.